Hello everyone,
My name is Kate and I'm a Scot living in Florida with my husband and three boys: Alasdair (12), Gavin (8) and Cameron (3).
Cameron was diagnosed with autism last August (just after we moved to Florida) and Gavin was diagnosed with Asperger's last week, which is when I found this site. I have been visiting daily, reading your stories and having a laugh (thank you, Margaret!) and a cry (Ian's poem). I felt either too shy or too exhausted to introduce myself, but Gavin had his tonsils and adenoids out yesterday (Yes, it's that sleep apnea again!), he is recovering well and so am I.
I am so glad to have found this site. When Cameron was diagnosed last year I had no-one to talk to and so many questions to ask. This time round I have learned so much already from your postings and recognised myself, my son and my husband in many of your stories.
Thank you so much.
Here are a couple of things that helped me. The quote I found on http://www.danasview.net and the poem was given to me at an IEP workshop:

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." -- Albert Camus


WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


P.S. I overheard Gavin tell his OT: "I just have one Asperger: it's my writing."

All the best, Kate

I love that! It reflects just how I feel too. And now that I know Holland (Steven) I would never have wanted to go to Italy!
Kate my nearly 20 year old son Steven told me something last Sunday, I thought it very neat. He said, "Mom, most people don't know what it's like to have a disability. I know that I have one, and I'm ok with it. I just wish it was ok with others too."
Wow Kate, do you have your hands full! Three boys, one with autism and one with AS! Welcome to this site!

I like your sons' Scottish names--I do 18th century British work, and spend most of my time with Farquhars, Hamishes and Ferguses (not to mention Ians, Gavins, Alistairs and Camerons!)

I got a great movie on DVD this afternoon--has anyone else seen the movie "Elling"? It is Norwegian, and it is about two adult men (one is very AS-type, the other seems mildly retarded), whom the welfare state moves into their own apartment. There are some classic moments, including figuring out that when poetry readings are listed as starting at 8pm, they really mean 10. When asked "One way ticket to Oslo?" at the train station, Elling replies "IS there more than one way? I want the fastest way." They also go through familiar things like why and how to answer phones, interacting with waitresses and why not to call the Norwegian equivilent of 1-900 numbers. You'll recognize a lot. Kevin Spacey apparently bought the US remake rights to the movie. It is about a PG-13 for some raunchy bits, but absolutely worthwhile.