I realized my son was different many years ago, but failed to explore his behaviours through proffesional outlets.
He now has developed survival habits, that may be difficult to break.
He tells amazing (untrue) stories, everyday he has an extreme life-threatening experience.
Is unable to perform normal daily tasks.
He screams to be independant, has a unit in Marrickville, but is afraid to find a flatmate, find a job, has not one friend.
Is a vegetarian to the point of rediculous, is over 6 foot, weighing approx 80ks.
I need to pay his rent, bring him food etc.
Yet his situation never improves, he is desperately unhappy.
I am a single Mum, living in Country area, am so very frightened for my son. Marianne.

I don't recommend a room-mate for someone with AS, it might only exacerbate the problem.

As for the "Amazing Story" everyday, it might be a kind of metaphor for what is actually going on. The things that seem life-threatening to someone with AS are scoffed at by other people. This is way for him to tell you what he's facing, using the terminology and scale of your world, not his. Telling someone you can't brush you hair because it hurts too much gets you nothing but being kidnapped by Gypsies gets you attention. I am a phenomenally bad liar, so I gave up long ago telling anything but the truth, the whole truth (censored, if I remember in time) and nothing but the truth, because the reaction from other people was so negative.

Have you thought about checklists and very detailed calendars for living alone? AS people often get overwhelmed with the daily details, or don't plan them out so that they can be done in a less stressful way. I rely on online banking and bill-paying to manage my checkbook and pay bills regularly (very slick, the power and water bills are done automatically and I get e-mail telling me its taken care of).

What kind of job could he do? AS people have a lot of issues that make them not so good with regular entry-level jobs like customer service, outdoor labor, food or delivery work. Your son may be depressed looking and seeing a lot of jobs he would hate doing--and AS puts a real crimp in that great job seeker's necessity to put yourself forward and make contacts. I cringe just thinking about having to get "up" for an interview, and how hard it was when I did it. Is there a local program that offers job coaching or interview help? Library jobs, data entry, retail stocking jobs (sometimes at night) have been good placements for AS candidates.

Oh, and I was interested to hear that he's a vegetarian--I gave up meat about five years ago (right when I had to start cooking for myself) because I can't stand the smell or feel of raw meat. This was added to later after I read Temple Grandin's work on slaughterhouses (ironically, she was explaining how an AS person was using her knowledge of cows to make slaughter better) and was disgusted. While I couldn't give a damn about most people, I get very empathetic about animals (and horrified by potential e.coli problems).

As a result, I'm way more careful with my diet than you can get away with while eating meat and dairy. Would a nutritionist be able to help you come up with an easy meal plan? I had a colleague in the nutritional dietician program at my school set me up with a cook it once a week menu of vegan food.

Any other AS folks with deep animal empathy?

Hi Margaret, My little guy is very compassionate to animals and plants as well. He is always talking and holding ants in the driveway. He calls them little fella. He had a betta fish for 3 years and every night would go over to feed him, touch the glass, and say "food Tornado" the fish would follow his finger wherever he lead him. It was great. He loves small dogs but is very afraid of jumpy ones. He has several plants (mostly cactus) that he very diligently waters and cares for. He dislikes meat too except he will eat chicken once in a while.

Carebear:

I was very interested to read what you wrote about your son being compassionate towards animals and plants. My son, Jon, who is 13, has always been very compassionate towards small animals and little children. He loves small, sweet, cuddly animals, such as guinea pigs, small dogs, cats, baby birds, baby chicks, anything small and sweet. When he was younger, he adored cute little cuddly stuffed animals. He is so good with younger children. Whenever I spray ants in the house, or swat a fly, he has a fit and tells me they have a right to live, too. Beneath his raging and sometimes outrageous behavior, he is purely sweet and kind.

JonsMom

I got onto mailing lists by donating money to the Humane Society of the United States--be very careful, because I am now getting huge numbers of solicitations with extremely upsetting material (sometimes on the _outside_ of the envelope!).

I've always been able to understand what dogs are telling me, and they are a wonderful emotional outlet. Dogs, as a group, have done more for me than most humans, so I tend to take their side.

Something very admirable about AS folks is the intense sense of justice, and the willingness to protect and stand up for the less able or weaker. It amazes me the fearlessness AS people show when they defend a classmate or committ themselves to causes--especially when this forces them to take chances or be more out in the world. That an AS person with disadvantages puts himself/herself on the line for someone or something defenseless while normal folks stand around says a lot about the sweetness and strength of AS people.

Wow, it was very interesting to read this! My 19 year old AS son Steven became a vegan when he was 11. I have taught him how to cook a few things... it took a long time, but he does well. I made him a list of what he needs, with steps to follow.
Currently he is living in a group home. He really wants to gain independence, and needed a good transition. Although it is a wonderful group home, it is hard for him, I know. There are 5 others living there. Also, the staff there has a huge turnover, which he has learned to ignore. Now he just refuses to acknowledge that they each have names. He lives 7 miles from me and my husband... I had been single until 13 months ago when I married Charlie. We bring him home every weekend so he can go to his space and be totally alone.
He also has a very sweet and tender heart. Most people just don't see it. He loves animals too... bugs the best, such as ants, and little crawly bugs. We took him to the beach last week and he sat on the sand for 2 hours holding a tiny sand bug of some kind and petting it and speaking to it. He also loves cats and baby goats.
Mariane, does your son get regional center services and SSI? Regional centers will assist in independant living skills, job placement, and a living situation to assist him to an independant living status if possible. Because of Steven having regional center I don't have to pay for his living expenses. They assist him with a budget, which is very closely monitored, until he can handle it himself... which isn't really soon for Steven I think as he loses all the money he gets. Actually he is getting better about not losing his money now.
He works half time for the County Court house sorting and delivering mail. This has been a huge boost to his ego! He only gets minimum wage, but he is allowed to use the money towards things he wants. He has gotten himself a new computer, new monitor, a Playstation 2 and lots of games, a phone, an electric shaver (he loved it but it was stolen just days after he got it), and other items. The job also has a dress code and they have made it clear to him that to keep his job he must shave, brush his teeth, wear nicer clothing including long pants that he hates. His grooming has been better because he wants to keep his job. His job coach reportst that his employer really likes Steven, and that he does excellent work. Steven told me that he does not just do the job as others, or pass time. He does the job 150%. I am SOOO proud of him!
Margaret, I was wondering about something you said.... that AS people really help the defenseless. Steven has a girlfriend who has William's syndrome. She is not at all as capable as Steven is, but is very social and friendly. Her parents try to not let them communicate, which I feel is sad. She is the only friend he has ever had. I am now wondering if part of his attraction to her might be that she is defenseless? She is in a nearby group home and soon will get her own phone. Maybe then they can speak more.

That may well be part of the attraction. I almost always had some socially worse-off people under my wing (and still do, I seem to have nerd radar). I think that having experienced the kind of casual cruelty and treatment AS gets, we try to shelter other people and living things we consider to be "worse off," whether they are people or animals (and sometimes ironically, whether they are _actually_ less able than ourselves).

The cynical response is usually that it makes us feel better to have someone lower in the food chain, but I really don't think that's it. I cannot stand to see what I consider injustice, or to see people get away with things, even if it is none of my business. In one of my extremely infrequent days in the local school system (about once a year, someone asked my parents to send me so that the district would get to count me for their budget, and then I would set records for being sent home, never lasting more than one day), I was ejected from a class for insisting that the teacher pronounce a felow student's Spanish name correctly "Amarilla." I still don't know if the teacher was stupid, racist or what, but she managed to say "Amarillo," "Armadillo" and "Ama-rill-a" too many times, and this girl was in tears all day.

My mother, who is fluent in Spanish, found the visit to the principal's office hilarious, especially when they pulled the "tell your mother why you're here" bit. I told mom that I had been taken out of class because Mrs. Horning refused to speak Spanish correctly, even when the correct Castillan was demonstrated. Mom then continually mispronounced everyone's names until the teacher blew up at her and shouted in annoyance that her name was "Horning, not Hocking or Horking or...are you stupid?" My mother just got up and said "Amarilla." Correctly. I've been very lucky and had great backup in my small crusades.

Thankyou you all so very much for your support, suggestions, sharing and caring. I am deeply touched. What a wonderfull thing this website is.
I thought it was such a rare syndrome!
Magaret you have given me some things to think about, many good ideas.
It is very hard to encourage my son at his age to take advice from anyone, have to go about it very tactfully...he thinks he can handle things by himself, even though he falls flat every time.
Draining me emotionally financially and even physically, I am sure others would say the same.
Talking to everyone gives strength and hope.