She's gone, my stepson is gone. I had to endure the move-out with her mom and dad and all of the daggers in the looks tonight, most humiliating.

All of the clothes and personal stuff are gone.
The movers will be here in a few hours to collect the furniture. My new furniture should arrive sometime in the afternoon. I am not excited.

It makes no sense to continue posting here since everything that's happening is no longer relevant.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and good advice. I wish so much that I could have made something work.

bill

bill,
I just wanted to encourage you to stay connected in some manner to people who understand AS. Your life is so difficult right now, but even though your wife has moved out, she may feel now, or realize later, that your stepson wants to continue a relationship with you--he should be allowed to do that, and you may still need to learn and understand about AS in order to continue a relationship that is healthy for your step-son. I truly do hope that she realizes that you still need to be in his life.
Please remember not to allow the pain of now to rob you of the joy of later. We cannot know why things happen or what is yet to happen. It is absolutely vital that we not steal our futures from ourselves--and that even during the hardest of times, we stay focused on the future--on what is yet to be and can be.

I just wanted to thank all in this forum who've been so understanding and helpful to me in what has become the most difficult period in my life to date.

I have gone back and re-read the posts several times. I feel some comfort and encouragement here. I'm putting my life back together in baby steps and will carry on.

You are truly good people. Thank you.

bill

Bill,
I am like your wife; I am not sure what my diagnoses is right now. Bipolar was one of them. I am so like her and I can feel the fear when someone raises their voice to me or lectures me and it feels like they are yelling.

I know you cannot do anything and I can't either, but my husband and I will pray for you and for Suz and for your stepson. This is a time for leaning on the Lord and asking for His help amd comfort.

My first marriage ended in divorce so I really do understand the pain you are feeling. My second one ended when my husband died. Pain of loss is something I do understand.

I am now married to a wonderful man, who loves me no matter how dysfunctional I am. Even though this is true, certain things from his past can set him off and he will yell. I shut down when he does that. I don't know what to do when he is angry with me. Fortunately, it never lasts very long and most of our life is good. But when it does happen, I feel so depressed that I almost can't bear it. I am blessed that I know to pray and turn it over to God to deal with. He understands my feelings and my husbands feelings and is the interpreter to each of us.

I will pray for peace to come to each of you and for God to change her mind.

Glenda

Bill,

My ex has been out of the house now for 4 1/2 yrs. When my son was 2, the signs started to show that something was wrong. My ex chose to just bail, instead of hanging in there. I didn't realize what a hell my household had become. It was hard at first when he moved out...but even tho I am still Not Divorced...long story, him not being in the house has been a God send. Things can only get better...and you can get better and heal. My ex made me think I couldn't live without him. but I can and always could. His constant accusations to me, control, yelling and screaming...they were his issues. As I have educated myself where my son is concerned....guess who else is most likely autistic with probably some depression issues...dear ole daddy. As hard as a day can be with my son, that controlling monster that roamed the halls of my life is gone...we can now move on with our lives. I can try and help my son and fix my life, but I haven't the energy to help my ex. Only he can help himself. And if he is not willing, you gotta let go. I won't let him bring me down too, I've gotten to a good place now in my life...and I want happiness for my son too.

Here's the old saying but it is so ture...Time heals all wounds, as each day pases it will get easier my friend.....

I spend too much time thanking you, perhaps. It is sincere. The information here is really helpful to me on so many levels. Please indulge me. Your prayers are welcome and I will pray for you and your situations likewise. I think that we're all destined to learn a big bunch of lessons, many of them painful, as long as we're here.

I've learned many things from outside sources as well. Information is starting to trickle in from friends and aquaintances who were too polite or too afraid to share with me while my wife and I were together. The patterns of behavior were well established and known before she and I ever met.

I've come to believe that our life together was doomed from the start. I just wanted to keep pretending that things would get better. I tried to live in a fairy tale.

Telling my story is important to me in the hopes that, if you find yourself in a similar predicament, you won't make the same stupid mistakes I did. (Although, I wouldn't have heeded anyone else's warnings, probably.) What should you do? I haven't the foggiest.

If AS is at the root of this, it is completely devastating. Whatever is the problem, it will not go away on its own. Love alone apparently isn't enough. I won't rule out my own failings as a contributor either. I am responsible too.

bill

Jokes would not be funny if there were not some element of truth to them (at least in the eyes of the one telling the joke).

Too cryptic for me right now. I might better understand if you'd clarify.

bill

bill, I just wanted to once again offer some support. It is so incredibly difficult sometimes to be in the life of someone who is not doing well mentally and emotionally. My Sister is bipolar, with two daughters who are struggling with undiagnosed emotional and behavioral issues, and I am trying to so hard to express love and be there for them, but the irrational ways in which someone can think and act who is not stable or well baffles the mind and leaves the rest of us angry, shaken, lost and confused. Although my Sister has started treatment for bipolar disorder, she remains trapped in a pattern of dysfunctional behavior, poor problem solving skills and seems almost unable to maintain a close relationship with anyone. She's either angry with you or avoiding you. I have found myself yelling back and getting caught up in the all the dysfunction again, much like my childhood, and I realized that I just can't do it again. I am very concerned for her family--she is now a single parent, again, although my Dad is there to help. I suspect that my Dad has AS, so this is all a bit much for him and I am sad to say that although he is well intentioned, he can't really help much--and what's harder for me is that I think he knows that. His situation must be sadly similar to watching a train wreck or a house burn down without being able to do much but try to help in the aftermath. My Sister behaves much the same way my Mother did while she was still at home (she left when I was 13, after years of hurtful and confusing behavior) and there is this horrible and tragic sense of history repeating itself that has left me in tears many days.
I have had to step back and look at my own life, and my own family and refocus my energies on them. In your case, you may need to refocus on yourself right now. If your married life was difficult and emotionally traumatic, you may not have had time to consider your own needs and your own mental health. It is so easy to get stuck in a pattern of caretaking and avoiding minefields, as well as putting yourself back together after arguments or verbal assaults, with a family member who is struggling with emotional of medical issues that are not understood or being addressed or treated, depending on the nature of the problem. As much as you may try to understand, there comes a point when it is almost self-preservation to step back and take the time to recover--yourself. Once you are emotionally stable, you will be in a better place to help your wife, or anyone else who is in, or comes into your life.
I hope that you are feeling at least a little better now and that you will have some peace about your situation and the decisions that you make soon.

Thanks Busyverry. Your support and insight are helpful to me. Much of what you said about the sheer energy and effort of avoiding the minefields and attempting to provide the high-maintenance caretaking resonated deeply with me. I didn't realize until lately how utterly exhausted I've become. As terribly as I miss my family, I do have a little peace at the moment. I had been praying for a smidgeon of peace for so long. My prayer was answered, although not in the way I wanted it to be. Guess that's a good way to put a control-freak like me in his place.

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself.

I've been unable/unwilling to re-read previous posts; just too painful. I am moving forward. Life goes on, if we're lucky.

Kindness and good things to you and your family.

bill