When I was a kid, I used to worry about if my mom had enough money. I would even try not to eat as much or tried to cut back on something, to help save money. Even to this day, while I'm living at home and struggling to make the mere $50 weekly rent payment to my mom, I worry she doesn't have enough. Which is weird, because I never went without anything as a child unless I made it a choice to go without something. My mom and stepdad both say it'll be a hard Christmas because there won't be enough money for presents. I don't mind - I'm content for the most part. I mean, I could use a new pair of shoes, but I'd rather use the money to help my mom. I have never been materislistic, and this pre-Christmas shopping stuff drives me nuts. I don't know why every one just focuses solely on Christmas. It seems we just glaze over the other holidays and focus just on Christmas and all its spending joys (or dismays, in my opinion). Is it normal to think this way? I was just curious. Have a good day, Serenity

Serenity,

Yes, I think it is normal to think this way. I get anxious about the shopping aspect of the holiday as well. Since I have always had things I needed all year round, my family and I decided to deemphasize the gift-giving aspect, just getting one gift apiece. We decided to make a donation to our local humane society. I am a big animal lover, as everyone knows, and it would be nice to help them and their potential families.

Serenity-- I think this is a perfectly normal thought that shows that you are a sensitive person and really care about your family's welfare. Possibly your parents "imprinted" those thoughts on you at an early age by something they said (perhaps without even realizing that their casual statement would have such an impression on you).

I haven't had exactly similar thoughts myself, but I was raised in a very frugal-minded family. We give Christmas gifts totalling about $25 in value to one another -- that's the limit. My brother, bless his heart, has been known to give presents that he retrieved from the dumpsters at his townhouse complex! Of course you have to understand that he retired at the age of 48 on a pension of $430 per month when his company downsized. Yes, he gets by on that much easily, and has quite a healthy amount in savings! He has taken "frugal" to a whole new level.

Thank you Edda and Pete. There are just some thoughts wandering around in my mind - and I can never tell if they're normal or not (even though they're normal to me). Thank you and a good day, Serenity

Well... my parents are very well off. Mostly my father but, after the divorce, my mother as well. Yet I was always conscious of leaving as small a "footprint" as possible in their expenses.

Why? Eh, I'd like to say it's because I'm tremendously principled and wanted to earn my own way, but I suspect it's really because I try to avoid ever being obligated to anyone over anything. I mean, if someone offers me so much as a stick of gum, I turn it down reflexively. I don't even consider it.

Why? I think it's a coping mechanism. I'm the sort of person who never even thinks to offer someone else a stick of gum, so I can't be taking gum away from others. It's not right. The one thing I don't want to do is take something from someone else and then hurt their feelings by never sharing anything in return. What I don't get is, why can I empathize with the feeling of losing something, but be totally unable to empathize with the desire to give something? It's not that I'd refuse to give someone a stick of gum if asked, I just never feel any impulse to initiate the exchange.

Not sure if this has anything to do with what you're talking about, Serenity, but that's what it made me think of.

One of my English professors would always offer a theme snack. I am overweight and feel uncomfortable eating in front of the class. I'm not sure if not accepting was considered rude or not, but I also refuse stuff from strangers. If it's my mom, it's ok. Like you said, I don't feel the impulse to exchange. It's my gum, leave it alone because you might have weird germs, lol. And I would never think to offer a piece of gum (again, unless it's my mom), because it's my gum (as selfish as that might be). So, in that sense, I understand you. Have a good day, Serenity

Serenity,

I don't take things from people I don't know, nor do I easily loan out my possessions to people. I'm not sure how reliable people are about returning things.

For the most part, people aren't reliable about returning things. That one roommate I had kicked out, was taking my pots and pans without asking. She then brought them over to a friends house and would be weeks before I saw them again. I know, they were just pots and pans - a really nice set of T-fal my mom had given to me for Christmas - so I was kind of possessive over "my things". I don't really think anyone understood why I was so upset about it. I took my stuff and locked it up in the hall closet. I don't see how others can be so rude like that, but I'm expected not to be. Next time, I'm living in an apartment of my own - once I have enough money to do so :-D Have a good day, Serenity

Oh I have had plenty of trouble with roomates. What I especially don't like is that they are always paying attention to what you do not not focusing on themselves first. I am painfully aware of when I have left a mess or anything of the sort. I know I am not easy to live with (duh), so I take great pains to give any roomate I have all the leeway possible. But I WILL take every transgretion into account and throw it in my ammunition stash (having a good memory for anything I am interested in). I am the type of guy who will do the dishes 10 times in a row and never say a word. I figure, if I like things done a certain way or if I am having company over, I will do it myself. No big deal right? I am not going to go around the house boasting about how I vacumed and washed the floors today. It isn't some sort of contest. But, since I don't say anything about they don't even realize and just go along in blissful ignorance until they tell me - hey! its your turn to do the dishes - I still won't do anything just then, maybe only say that I don't feel like it right now. But if they push it, then I kindly remind them I did them the last ten times, and cleaned up their dogs diarreah in my bedroom, and scrubbed the floors, took out the trash, ect... Nobody likes it when they have been riding a high horse for so long and they get booted off, not by me, but by their own lack of observation. I try to do it as nicely as possible but I am not gonna sugar coat it either.

Oh yeah, I have had my own apartment for two years now and it is ALMOST ALWAYS spick and span. I think a person like me is much better off that way.

wink wink - ta ta !

I clean up after myself too - and will do the dishes ten times in a row, if I have the time. I'd just rather do it than fight about it - seems ridiculous to me. They're going to be the one with the problems x number of years down the road, when they're married with children ;-) I'm not easy to live either, especially if it's a week that's been extremely stressful or I'm in a cranky mood. Luckily, the roommate I shared a bathroom with was a lot cleaner than I was (and I'm decent in cleaning). However, there always seemed to be trouble in getting the other two roomates to clean up after themselves. One was a social butterfly, and the other was hardly ever there until she decided she was going to move in her sister-in-law and two year old nephew without warning anyone. I hate children and I hate being woken up - especially after a long night of studies. My mom is right on one point - having a roommate is cheaper. However, having the whole place to yourself is keeping your sanity. I can't wait until I get a well paying job and can finally live back on my own. Until then, my bedroom is the one space that's mine. Have a good day, Serenity