I'm happy
I can get a bit depressed if I get too tired - but that's just a matter of being sensible with my sleep.
I had one bout of 'identified' depression - lasted about a week - around the time my first marriage broke up (the two were related, but I'm still not sure which came first).

An interesting thought though, most other people I've observed would have remained depressed far longer - would you make that observation in your situation Bart?

Yes Mad Carrot. I'm absolutely sure that I 'bounced back' much more quickly than most people would have or could have. In a way it is almost like picking up a different perserveration and just starting to enjoy the new one, putting the old one behind you.

I enjoy going out but it's always because I know I'm comming home. On holidays , the longer I'm away the more consumed I am with getting back. As a child and teen I always told my parents I hated holidays as they were more like work and much more stressful.

We went to france when I was a child and after twenty miles I practically went insane about us having gone too far, that we needed to go back.

My mother got more out of my diagnosis then me, after all these year she kept saying,"that was it" My parents could not understand why I despised holidays. I always tried to make where ever we went exacly like home.
Now i think about it some of the extents I went to keep things the same seem disturbing. When the electricity weent out I made a tv out of card bord to try and watch.
Even now I safe guard against changes, like keeping a torch inmy room, battries, a battry TV.

Kirk.

Oh you Kirk. Isn't that normal behavior? Car battery, power inverter, battery powered TV and VCR, 40 odd AA batteries, 10 flashlights, 10 D batteries, 10 water bottles, pre-cooked omelets in the fridge freezer compartment, and a whole pantry of cooked tinned food? I keep my eyeglasses in a case screwed to the headboard of the bed, so in an earthquake I'll be able to find them.

I am also undiagnosed but I know of no other explanation for one particular stim that I have (hand flapping) other than autism. It's kind of the clincher for me. My Father has been diagnosed with depression with high anxiety for a number of years so I think that later in life if left unchecked I might have gone this way also, but I don't think I've ever really been depressed in the clinical sense. I think that he might be mis-diagnosed anyway and actually have AS, but that's a tough call at 76 after all the meds and shock treatments he's had. I also see many AS traits in some family members now that I know more about it.

I have always had this struggle against the vague notion that something was wrong or missing in my life and if I just made this change or that change everything would turn around. I now feel like know what's going on and have come to the realization that I'll never fill in that blank. AS or whatever it is that I have will not allow me to live my life like I see others live theirs. I'm struggling to find my way now since I don't really know who I am anymore. I've realized that the world doesn't see me like I thought it did and that fact has hit me pretty hard.

So I don't think I'm depressed, I think maybe I'm in the “greiving period” I've read about on this board because the hope that any real social progress will occur has died. Some days I feel very lost and some days I feel like I'm starting to find my way, but it's fleeting. It's like the sun coming out after a rainstorm. But then it always rains again.

Mr. BlueSky

My son was feeling quite similar to you just last year, then we found he had some very serious vitamin and mineral deficiencies and he doesn't feel that way anymore. He has filled in many of those "blanks" and actually sees that some others can be accomplished also.

He still has AS, but life isn't so discouraging for him now and has been able to retain friendships and is very hopeful that he can have a girlfriend someday...if he meets the right girl!

But most importantly, he said he no longer feels like an "alien" (his word).

Sounds like I need to start taking a multivitamin.

Tell your son to hang in there. I met my wife at 25 and you could count the number of girlfriends I had before that on one hand. This year will be our tenth aniversary.

Why do people seem to think relationships are important, i have been in and out of them but I don't count either way as being anythign other then simply relationships. i have too many other sources of happyness to put too much stock in measureing the worth of my life on past or present and future girlfriends.

Kirk.

Congratulations! How did you two meet?

Kirk,

Just because something isn't important to you doesn't mean the same thing isn't important to someone else.

And just because something is very important to you, doesn't mean it will be of any importance to anyone else.

Mr.BlueSky sounded proud of the fact that this will be their tenth anniversary...so therefore, it is important to him. And relationships are important to a lot of people.

Our differences are kind of what makes the world interesting.