Are there any aspis like me who do not suffer with real depression at all?
My own specialist is of the opinion that any aspies that suffer anything like depression is usually only because they are different lonely and do not know why.

I myself do not suffer it at all, if you think about it full autistic do not suffer it becaue they tend not to really care too much about the world other then their own.
In my case some of that applys, I'm different but I do not want to be an NT, the closest I would have is be worried about an upcomming job or have a temporary upset when some thing goes wrong, but I know from experience that I usually bounce back after a day or so.
I do go in to a kind of mild shock after extreme experiences good or bad that can last a week or so, the specialist said that this is fixed by doing things like watchign your facourite videos or reading you favourite books fot that week, I was amazed as that was what I always did.

But what I really want is to see if there are any aspies like me who do not suffere with depression at all?
Are there any happy aspies? Also how is depression and aspergers mixed up? How can that happen? I know manic a manic depressive and asked the Professor about them, their symtoms seem completely different, they have no interest in anything yet an aspi, despite how )we appear, smiles or not) are alway furthering an interest.
It has said every where I have checked that from birth to death we will always have an interest or interests of some kind, we are never with out one, that is fully true of me, I can't help wanting to research and do things..

Any opinions on this also.

Firstly Kirk, I know that you don't fully agree that a self diagnosed can be considered an aspie. This you have stated before. However, bearing that in mind, I will add my opinion anyway, since I am not quite so determined that an official diagnosis is needed. You can take my comments as possibly being valid in regards to aspies, and definitely being valid for me.

I don't suffer real depression. I have moments of irritation, which are very fleeting, and sadly, too often. However, I know that these are petty and nothing to dwell on, and I move on, by ignoring, rejecting, or embracing them. I have longer periods of distress, and these are usually caused by taking on a responsibility which I suddenly find is too much for me, or taking longer than anticipated. I handle these by putting in more time and effort, in order to get back on schedule, or I quit. Usually I just work harder and harder until I suddenly realize that this tactic is not effective, and then I just 'drop out'. Once I drop out, I have no regrets about it at all. I just happily move on to the next 'project'.

I wake up each morning, happy with the day, and it basically continues that way, all day. I stay up late quite often, not from insomnia, but since I'm having a good time, enjoying myself, doing whatever it is I'm doing.

I have had long periods with absolutely no interests in the sense of INTERESTS, if you know what I mean. There may be some casual interest, but nothing compelling. Then someting catches my attention, and I cannot stop myself. I don't even try. I just surf the moment, the days, the weeks, even months and years, and then the wave breaks and I idle around happily waiting for the next wave to come along. A different wave, but just as interesting.

The last time I was truly depressed was a long time ago, and frankly, too personal to go into here. If you really want the details, I might consider sending it to you in a PM, but probably won't. However, my coping strategy was to simply play one particular piece of haunting music, over and over again, for days and days, crying at times, and about a week later I was fine again. My life had shifted dramatically, but I was able to enjoy it again.

Just so you know, I believe some one not diagnosed can be an aspi, but if your not diagnosed you can not be sure, of course is it pefectly ok to think suspect you have aspergers and you may well have but you can not claim knowledge you do not have. I consider you saying you do not see the need for a diagnosis as a good thing, it says to me that you are happy with who you are and could not see how it would help.

As far as who I am, my diagnosis changed nothing, I do what I do and I am what I am reguardless of verbal labels, it's just so happens that I am now designated aspergers by the medical comunity.

I learned to keep away from haunting music at times like that, no matter how much I love it. I noticed it tened to prolong those periods, and cndiering Phantom is my favourite musical and story it was quite hard.

The interests thing I do not get as it has been stated to me firmly many times. I can even name them all in chronological order.

This time Ten years ago it was star trek, this time twnety years ago it was skelitons.
I can track every interest, in fact I believe it is my interests that kept me from depression.

What really upsets me is being kept from my interests.

K.

oh, and I'm glad you changed your picture back, I really like that one. Imagine, I find clown scary! And i own two living dead dolls ! lol

Kirk.

My latest interest has been car rallying, and what is upsetting me is the developing internal politics. Something that is so clean and precise should not be soiled by NT shenanigans, power struggles, and back stabbing, and yet that is what is happening here. It is very distressing, and I can see that I may suddenly just quit. I have already stopped organizing, and even though I'm the local club's secretary, I can see the signs of a quit coming there too. When it takes me 3 weeks to do up the minutes of the meeting, which are normally done by the time I go to bed that same night, I know that my mind is sending me a message.

Haunting music is a wonderful release for me. If I am 'down' it matches my mood, but as the music ends, the mood I have has been slightly moderated. Very seldom does music end on a 'sour' note, so repetition of this helps me. If I try to listen to anything 'light' it is too trivial to match my mood and I just become angry. I'd much rather be depressed than angry, since I've done some horrible things in anger, but never in sadness. I cannot allow myself anger. It is simply too dangerous for me, or anyone around me. I reject anger, and will choose anything else first.

I understand what you mean about your interest as secretary.

The musical society has tried to Draft me twice on to the comettee, last year and this year, they even voted me in, boath times I turned it down. I'm not there becuase I want to run the any part of the society, I'm there because I love muscials.
I do the job of a commettee member anyway btu at least if I were to miss a rehearsal or not be able to attend meetings it's not so bad as I consider myself just another member.

when it comes to mood music I do get what you mean. when I sence trouble in work I start singin the nat king cole sone, There may be trouble ahead. I do actually tend to sing songs in work to suit situations.

I heard a funny expression a while back, Depression is anger with out entuasium lol.

Personally I do not like either emotion. I do not believ in suppressing feeling but rather in not feeling the bad ones in the first place. Don't misunderstand me here, i'm speaking in a buddhist sence, so I will find a new way of thinking about some thing so it doesn't upset me or find a new perspective.

Kirk.

I would consider myself happy. I need to work on conquering anxiety but, other than that, I consider my life ideal.

I like that one. I'd say it's more like despair without enthusiasm though. I think that's how I've lived most of my life. I was repeatedly diagnosed with depression when I was a child. I'd say I'm rarely happy, but I can't seem to work myself up into a good rage or cry either. Someone described me as "unflappable" the other day, which is a word I've never really understood until I learned about stimming. I think I became this way in large part because my coping mechanism for social interaction problems was based upon total self-restraint. I didn't allow myself to talk, move, or even have a facial expression unless I carefully thought it over first. I've been doing it so long that I don't think I'm even capable of "letting myself go." The one exception was when I was kept in a hospital for a week (got hit by a car), where I had a very difficult time controlling my frustration and tone of voice with the nurses, even though I wasn't angry with them personally. Other than that, my emotions stay on a pretty low plateau, which is similar enough to being depressed that I'm not sure there's much significant difference.

I am happy, but I've been depressed a lot, I think I was just angry though, I had the enthusiasm with that anger too, but I didnt know why I was angry and I didn't know what to do with it, so I used it to hate myself, hurt myself, take pills, cut myself and so on.

A few months back I flipped out when a child burst a ballon I loved (the ballon had been given to me and I was sooooo happy about it and I was bouncing it on my hands and just so thrilled with this ballon and then this child in my school jumps out and bursts it) and I kinda woke from a daze a minuite or so later to find myself pummling her over and over again. And even to this day I am not at all sorry I just wish I hit her harder, even though I know kids do mean and stupid things.
So that was pretty much when I realised, I'm not depressed, just angry, theres so much anger inside me and its the most pleasurable thing in the world to get it out.

I spent a lot of last year "merging with the walls" sitting on the floor in corridors at school and feeling myself fall into the walls and become a part of them and I thought that was depression, which made me feel guilty because I enjoyed doing it and its wrong to enjoy doing anything that upsets people (and I got in loads of trouble with the school for making them look bad or something I am not sure).

That merging with the walls thing is a form of mesmerism or self hypnosis. It can happen with the floor too, and you just feel like your sinking into it. You can see you are still in position, but the feeling is of being inside it, safely cocooned. It is a nice place to go, but you can utilize your time there by saying short positive reinforcements to yourself (quietly). "I am feeling better with every breath" is a good one to lift your spirits.

I'm happy
I can get a bit depressed if I get too tired - but that's just a matter of being sensible with my sleep.
I had one bout of 'identified' depression - lasted about a week - around the time my first marriage broke up (the two were related, but I'm still not sure which came first).

An interesting thought though, most other people I've observed would have remained depressed far longer - would you make that observation in your situation Bart?

Yes Mad Carrot. I'm absolutely sure that I 'bounced back' much more quickly than most people would have or could have. In a way it is almost like picking up a different perserveration and just starting to enjoy the new one, putting the old one behind you.

I enjoy going out but it's always because I know I'm comming home. On holidays , the longer I'm away the more consumed I am with getting back. As a child and teen I always told my parents I hated holidays as they were more like work and much more stressful.

We went to france when I was a child and after twenty miles I practically went insane about us having gone too far, that we needed to go back.

My mother got more out of my diagnosis then me, after all these year she kept saying,"that was it" My parents could not understand why I despised holidays. I always tried to make where ever we went exacly like home.
Now i think about it some of the extents I went to keep things the same seem disturbing. When the electricity weent out I made a tv out of card bord to try and watch.
Even now I safe guard against changes, like keeping a torch inmy room, battries, a battry TV.

Kirk.

Oh you Kirk. Isn't that normal behavior? Car battery, power inverter, battery powered TV and VCR, 40 odd AA batteries, 10 flashlights, 10 D batteries, 10 water bottles, pre-cooked omelets in the fridge freezer compartment, and a whole pantry of cooked tinned food? I keep my eyeglasses in a case screwed to the headboard of the bed, so in an earthquake I'll be able to find them.

I am also undiagnosed but I know of no other explanation for one particular stim that I have (hand flapping) other than autism. It's kind of the clincher for me. My Father has been diagnosed with depression with high anxiety for a number of years so I think that later in life if left unchecked I might have gone this way also, but I don't think I've ever really been depressed in the clinical sense. I think that he might be mis-diagnosed anyway and actually have AS, but that's a tough call at 76 after all the meds and shock treatments he's had. I also see many AS traits in some family members now that I know more about it.

I have always had this struggle against the vague notion that something was wrong or missing in my life and if I just made this change or that change everything would turn around. I now feel like know what's going on and have come to the realization that I'll never fill in that blank. AS or whatever it is that I have will not allow me to live my life like I see others live theirs. I'm struggling to find my way now since I don't really know who I am anymore. I've realized that the world doesn't see me like I thought it did and that fact has hit me pretty hard.

So I don't think I'm depressed, I think maybe I'm in the “greiving period” I've read about on this board because the hope that any real social progress will occur has died. Some days I feel very lost and some days I feel like I'm starting to find my way, but it's fleeting. It's like the sun coming out after a rainstorm. But then it always rains again.

Mr. BlueSky

My son was feeling quite similar to you just last year, then we found he had some very serious vitamin and mineral deficiencies and he doesn't feel that way anymore. He has filled in many of those "blanks" and actually sees that some others can be accomplished also.

He still has AS, but life isn't so discouraging for him now and has been able to retain friendships and is very hopeful that he can have a girlfriend someday...if he meets the right girl!

But most importantly, he said he no longer feels like an "alien" (his word).

Sounds like I need to start taking a multivitamin.

Tell your son to hang in there. I met my wife at 25 and you could count the number of girlfriends I had before that on one hand. This year will be our tenth aniversary.

Why do people seem to think relationships are important, i have been in and out of them but I don't count either way as being anythign other then simply relationships. i have too many other sources of happyness to put too much stock in measureing the worth of my life on past or present and future girlfriends.

Kirk.

Congratulations! How did you two meet?

Kirk,

Just because something isn't important to you doesn't mean the same thing isn't important to someone else.

And just because something is very important to you, doesn't mean it will be of any importance to anyone else.

Mr.BlueSky sounded proud of the fact that this will be their tenth anniversary...so therefore, it is important to him. And relationships are important to a lot of people.

Our differences are kind of what makes the world interesting.

Julie,

We were introduced by a mutual friend and actually the first time I asked her out, she said no! Said she had to put up her Christmas tree that night believe it or not. :p I forgot to tell you to tell your son that persistence might be involved! I saw her out at a club about a month later, asked her out again and the rest is history as they say.

Thanks MBS! I can't tell you how many people I know who are happily married had a similar start to yours.

My son is working on his male-female social skills and has joined a young persons bible study group where there are some nice young women his age...he has hopes!

Kirk,

I'm not measuring my worth on past, present or future girlfriends and I don't think that's what Julie's son is doing either. I'm just relating a personal story because I've been where Julie's son is now and I wanted him to know that it can all work out for him. He can have a long term comitted relationship with somebody if that's what he wants and values in life.

I really can't give you an answer as to why I value relationships above other things. I just do. It's something I just know.

I don't suffer from any real depression. I'm on prozac for a TINY BIT though.

Some people like being single and some people like being in relationships. Some people like theater and some people like TV. It's as simple as that. The important thing is to have the opportunity and confidence to pursue those things that are important to you and I am glad Julie's son is working on gaining that confidence!

Julie - I am interested in learning more of about these vitamin and mineral deficiencies of which you speak. But it always seems really complicated to me. Is there a blood test or saliva test you can take that quickly and easily pinpoints what you are deficient in?

I was "in a relationship" for a week once, but basically all I did that whole time was make excuses not to see the person involved, which made them upset, but it wasn't that I didn't like them, its just that they would ring me up and expect me to go spend time with them, they'd come up to me in school and ask to go do things after school and I want to go home after school and relax not spend time with people.

Linda,

Doing this the right way is not a quick fix, but it has the most amazing results. He no longer has ANY of the peripheral issues that can come with AS like anxiety, sleeplessness, mental illness-like behaviors, depression, aggression, etc.

There are several tests to take to find which particular deficiencies each person has and which food sensitivities they have...it really comes down to being a metabolic issue aside from the different hardwiring of the brain.

Julie, you have misunderstoond me, My point had nothing to do with already established relationships.

My point was that people who do or do not have girlfriends or boyfriends should not worry, there is nothign wrong if you do not have a partner and equally there is nothing wrong if you do. i have seen so many people beat themselves up over these topic, they should not suffer as realistically there are not rules that say you must have a partner.

To me a real relationship is based on mutual respect an understanding.
Looks and personality may be the initial attracton agent but after word if mutual respect and understanding do not develop the relationship becomes like a house built on ice, sooner or later the ice will melt and the house will come crumbleing down.

The message I was trying to get accross in my abouve post is that people should try to be happy weather they are in or out of a relationship and do not waste too much time worrying and suffering over it, as the old saying goes, if it is ment to happen, it is ment to happen.

Kirk.

Well Kirk dear, if that was your intention then your wording and/or emphasis gave it a different slant because that was not the message MBS or I got from it.

But that's OK, we weren't beating you up about it or anything, just stating that for some people that is an important goal for them.

But then isn't that some part of AS, not being able to convey our intended meanings sometimes and being misunderstood? And really, that is an important part of what this board is all about...forgiving others for those little things and pointing out that some re-phrasing would convey a different meaning.

No harm Kirk, just one of those little communication things.

Julie, I'm honestly having trouble seeing the problem in my previous post.
quote
Why do people seem to think relationships are important.

I asked people why the measure the worth of thir life against relationships? basically your life is wonderful weather your in a ralrationship or not.

I knwo people can misread, Bu I'm wondering if this is a drwing conclusions thing? it's something that has always held in back in type.

I always type objectively and if I have an emotion I will always type it. For example, " I am happy you are here" in that sentance I have stated my point of view and feeling on it.

I constantly miss things due to missing motivations, in person it's easir as I can read body language and voice tone but in type it's near impossible for me.

Kirk.

I'm not sure but I think most aspies can not read tones in voices, I can though, this might fall in with my being able to copy singing perfectly, I seem to be abel to hear alot more tones then most. i lack most hard wired body language but I have read and memoriesed so many books on the subject and put it into practice I'm practically an expert in it. the problem is my inderstanding is acidemic rather then instinctual, so if i't tired or not paying attension I miss the NT automatic reactions.

K.

Kirk,

While knowing it was not your intention, it just didn't quite "fit" with what was said before it.

When MBS talked of his upcoming 10th anniversary with pride and then my saying my son "hoped" to have a relationship, when you added:

"Why do people seem to think relationships are important."

...it gave the "impression that you were discounting what MBS and my son wanted or felt.

I think you are correct in that some people shouldn't feel badly if it doesn't happen for them or others shouldn't be made to feel badly if it isn't their ultimate goal. But in posing your statement right after what we said, do you see how that could give us the feeling of your saying what we felt shouldn't be given importance in life?

Again, I'm am not beating you up over this, just stating the "impression" one statement following another can give. You're a good guy and very interesting; I wouldn't think of beating you up over this!

uh...at this point I feel like this is off topic

But I believe that from about the ages of 15 to 34 I was depressed and untreated, and you know what that meant?

Not as good of obsessions! There were still things, but not the kind of things that would keep my interest for months at a time.

Now that I'm on meds, obsession is fun again!

I honestly think that the root of my depression may have been from chronic insomnia.

Paxil helped me, but now the more I'm reading about this, the more I wonder if it was a mis-diagnosis. I had a LOT LOT of anger then. I was working at a job with people I hated and who hated me. We totally did not understand each other in any way shape or form, and I was given a lot of responsibility, with none of the power (as a friend once said).

The thing that grabs me is the obsessions. A woman I worked with at that firm kept saying she didn't want to retire, that she'd be bored. And that she wouldn't want to win the lottery for the same reason. I honestly do not get that AT ALL. How can someone not have some interest that completely consumes them? I really don't get that. And like some here, I will forget to eat when I'm engrossed in my current passion. Even though I love the taste of the foods I like.

I miss being obsessed with things the way I was till maybe 2 years ago. Something seriously changed in me around that time to make me so lethargic and apathetic, I think having thought about it its anxiety. I get really anxious about nothing whenever I try to focus so I just refuse to focus to avoid the anxiety.
Thinking about it its also becaus I am supposed to be focusing on school so I can't allow myself to pay attention to my urges to focus on other things, but I just end up not focusing on anything and spending all my time daydraming because I am spending all my time trying not to think about things that I shouldn't be thinking about and trying not to do things I shouldn't be doing because I should be doing school related things.
I hate school. It seriously ruined my life lived so far.

Litlest Donkey Ranch,

I don't understand how people can't be interested in anything. I am not as obsessed with the things I like as I used to be, but I still have very strong interests.

girlwitharibbon

I'm back in school as an adult because I love learning -- especially about science. But I totally understand the difficulty in focusing on school work when you'd rather be focusing on your current obsession. It's because of that that even though I love my school now, I'm still always playing catch up. So you're not alone in that feeling. I've now gotten myself obsessed with crocheting, so when I have to study something I don't feel like studying, I soothe it by allowing myself to crochet while I read the text. It means I wind up not doing either to the best of my ability, but at least I get the studying done.

I hated school when I was younger, too. Most likely being misunderstood by teachers, plus they were usually boring me ad nauseum. My folks chalked it up to my higher than average IQ, but now I read that's also very, very common in AS. Hmmm...which causes which, I wonder? Or are they related by a third thing?

I had one teacher when I was in 8th grade that I will never forget. She was smart enough to USE my obsessions to teach me what she was trying to teach -- how to study history. She had me do a report on the history of rock 'n roll (my obsession at the time). Smart one, that woman.

Girlwitharibbon...
What age did you say you were? I think you said you were late teens...all I can say is high school sucks, it did for me...you just gotta get through...somehow..That was when I was most depressed too. (Lucky for my parents I was too bummed to act out even, i just sat in my room and became anorexic.)

But the bright side is going to college. it is so completely different than high school! Sometimes you can even gear your classes towrds things your'e interested in, and how heavenly is that? I sat in classes that I wished would never end I was so interested!

Is there a way you can take a college equivalency exam so you can get to college earlier? You would probably really like it.

The first couple of years are full of required classes if you are looking to get a degree..which is not so exciting..but you still get to take electives which are whatever you want. but the 2nd and 3rd years allow you to choose a major that can be something you really enjoy! No matter what, it's more fun than high school.

Oh I am sure most of my university course (medicinal and biological chemistry) will be interesting (there are some parts, mostly relating to physical chemistry and some bits of biochemistry that aren't "my scene" as it were but I think I can endure them for the sake of the good bits).
I am currently 19 and school is basically over for me now, I was held back a year (even though at one point I was going to be moved forward - and boy am I bitter) because of "depression related academic difficulties" I'm not sure if I was really depressed or what, more and more I am realising it was more abject terror than anything else (about what I am still not sure of).

I never liked school much, I mean I enjoyed the classwork in primary school when it was just reading picturebooks and simple math problems (even though I got told off for writing "easy" next to all the questions) but secondary school was just so confusing. My mum made me go to a welsh language school - I can't speak welsh, but when I moved to an english school 3 years ago it wasn't any easier because the sudden jump in difficulty caught me by surprise, earlier on I to be fair already read all the stuff we did in class elsewhere so nothing was new and so everything was easy, but when I got to do a levels suddenly I was faced with new material and I had absolutly no clue how to integrate it, lol I remeber the formulas for physics, but I have no clue what they mean or how to use them, and everyone else seems so confident and like they know what they are talking about and understand it all.

What I hate most about sixthform though is what I though would be the best. In year 12 and 13 you get free lessons when you don't have a planned class and can do what you want, most people go to the common room but I can't go in there because its noisy and smelly and full of loud people being boisterous and scary, so I generally end up sitting around the corridors wondering what I should be doing, i get told off all the time for doing things, without being given any idea as to what else to do, I keep getting told "you're an adult now, you can't act like a child" but I'm just being me I don't know what else to do. I get teased by 11 year olds - I actually beat up a 13 year old girl (I kinda lost control) she was just some kid. I have hours without any idea what I should be doing just wandering around bored and confused.

To be honest I don't know if those kind of things will change when I go to university, people will expect me to act like an adult, I will have to figure out what to do with myself and make descisions and two people I know who went to universtiy have reported that bullying is just as prevalent there, they get things thrown at them and they get constantly mocked, one of them said "all those people we went to university to get away from, we'll they're here too"

Sometimes, even when you have a class with subject matter you love, you can have a teacher who can turn it into a miserable experience. I was so glad to be finished with school by the time I got my Master's in English.

Recently, I finished a degree in Legal Office Systems, a course of study I really enjoyed.

I liked my english teacher, I remeber we were doing work on some book and one of the popular girls said "ugh why do we have to read this crappy book it's stupid" and my teacher just freaked out suddenly and screamed at the girl "no you're stupid!" and she probably got in trouble for that but it made me respect her so much, because it was true.

Also she was always nice to me, even after I pointed at a picture on the wall that i thought was her and said "wow you look so beautiful in the right light" and it turned out it was of her daughter.

No wonder she liked you so much!!

Ha ha! I love the thing about your teacher saying "no, your'e stupid!" That should happen more often!

Well, the thing I liked about college as opposed to high school was the fact that they treat you like an adult. If you don't feel like going, you don't have to go.

You don't have to go hang out in the "commons", you don't have to go to pep rallies, and you can choose your own classes.

If you hate the teacher, you can usually drop the class.

Also most of the people who are there are there because they want to be there, not because they have to be there. This may be more the case with community college than universities where kids go directly after high school..and is more my experience because I did my first 3 years at a community college.

But I have a feeling you will like it. It's hard, but it really does give you a feeling of accomplishment!

Well in sixthform we don't have to be there, and I dropped out of several classes. In the uk mandatory schooling only goes on until age 16.
One of the things that really upset me in sixth form was that up until then my excuse for everything was "I am too clever" if I did badly at school, I figured I was too smart, they wern't properly engaging my brilliance, I had too much interesting and important stuff to think about than academics etc, If people didn't like me it was because they were all stupid and couldn't understand the lofty heights of my intellect.
When I got to sixth form there were several people in my class who were so obviously far more intelligent than me, except they still do all the things I am bad at really well, they have lots of freinds and laugh and talk to each other happily in class and outside of class. Which ruined my whole "its because I am too smart" excuse.