I have agonized over how to tell my son that he will be going for an evaluation next month, since he has no idea that there is anything different about him.
A few days ago, he saw that commercial on TV which says, a child's chance of being diagnosed with autism is 1 in 166, and he asked, "Mom, what's autism?"
I was caught off guard and a little unprepared, but I explained it briefly and gave examples of a child at church with extreme behaviors and then of a teen at church who has Asperger's. He naturally asked, "What's Asperger's?" And, I was able to describe traits and relate them to some of the things he does. And, he said, "Too bad there isn't a test you can take to find out if you have Asperger's". So, I told him that we could go to Cincinnati and see some doctors there, and that I think we will do that in a couple of months (the appt. has been scheduled since Nov). He said, "OK, and if I don't have it, then it (his intelligence) is just a gift from God."
I told him that whether or not he has Asperger's, his intelligence is a gift from God, and that God made him just the way he is...a wonderful person. He calmly accepted it all. What a relief!!!!

I am so happy for you! Sounds like there was some divine intervention there! Linda

Thanks, Linda! I think the timing was great. I had prayed for wisdom a few months ago, while I was so upset over the whole thing, then finally decided that I needed a break from AS, since he hasn't even been officially diagnosed. I took a break from all the reading and researching, and now seem to have a much better perspective. I needed to step back and look at my wonderful son. He really is wonderful in so many ways, and I guess I needed to look at the big picture, not just the problems. I am feeling much better about the whole thing and, I think ready to face the evaluation next month. I'm glad that I didn't try to talk to him about it before.

You make an interesting point about stepping back a bit and gaining perspective.

On another board, a mother of an Aspie recently pointed out that once she had a diagnosis (her child was quite young), it was as if she was only able to see "red flags" and not enjoy her child or see his behaviours as part of a whole child.

She said she was able to switch out of that mode and relax a bit and this has made all the difference for her and for her child.

Absolutely. I often say that our children take their cues from us. If we give total acceptance and unconditional love, they will grow knowing things will be ok. There are those sucky bumps in the road, but they will feel safety with you.
Keep the conversations going. Our kids have soooo much in their beautiful little heads. I learn from my children everyday. I want to be like them when I grow up.

I know I'm preaching to the converted here but I find my son extraordinary in some way nearly every day. We both have AS but the difference between us is that he is growing up knowing about it and loved for it. His AS gives him a perspective on life that is unconciously wise.

Soblessed - your son sounds remarkable too - I hope all goes well for you

We are so blessed to have them. And Marianxx it is really interesting to see how being aware as parents makes life so much easier on our aspie kids, as you know first hand! Linda

This may be a digression from the main topic but I think Regina makes a very important point about our children feeling accepted.

Tonight as we were eating dinner, Max was having trouble managing his long strands of pasta (we don't usuall have spaghetti, but shorter versions eg penne. And of course there was no sauce on his). I was content for him to get the food in
any way, besides, he was enjoying it. My husband was in a mood and kept comming down hard on him to eat properly. (he was in such a mood that he wouldn't take any advice from me to back off)
Whilst I don't agree with parents undermining eachother, I thought it was more important for max to feel OK and happy, so i made comical faces at him and gave him looks of approval to keep eating as he was. I didn't want him to be eating under an air of disapproval and negativity.

I am glad this is one hurdle you have passed. You are now entering a wonderful stage of growth with your son. Remind me how old he is?

Brady is 8. He will be 9 in June.
It seems I should have noticed things earlier. I am now remembering things that he did "differently" or delayed, and thinking, why didn't I realize sooner? Why didn't my pediatrician realize that all of these little peculiarities added up to something?

Don't beat yourself up Soblessed. I tried since Max was 2 to tell the pediatrician something was up and I would have had no idea if I had not had my older 2 sons to compare and see the difference. Even with that experience under my belt the ped said he was just fine. I then had him tested by psychologist independently but no one knew about AS then and I was told he was just very bright and probably sensitive. All you can do is the best you can with the info at hand and you are doing that. We didn't even get a dx for him until he was 11 and that was with me knowing something was different. So, at 8 you have a lot of years to help him both at home and get him the help he needs at school. I think that is a blessing - that 3 years could have meant a lot in Max's life. But I just try to do my best and keep moving forward! Linda

A gift from God indeed. I've often thought that the way Jesus Christ analysed things in his liftime was slightly Aspergesque, and, if it isn't sacrilidge to say so, then God as described in the Old Testament seems slightly OCD- and why not? Of course, it gets confusing when you think that quite a number of people with Aspergers start seeing religion as "not logical" and so turn away from it (Charles Darwin being the most famous example), but it's still an interesting thought.

Chay, I agree with you, but was reluctant to initiate the idea. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven" sounds pretty Aspie to me.

You have significantly decreased my sense of guilt for not understanding earlier. Thanks.