"decades" is a long time.

i would not hang around with anyone for decades that i did not trust.

i trust someone if they are trustworthy after i know them for about 6 months.

but i still have not found many truly trust worthy people.

but i am not hurt by it. i just see that they are as they are, and they are not evolved that much.

i am not offended by primates i see at the zoo, and i am not offended by primates i see on the street.


they all hone in greedily to glimmers of "opportunity" (ie my gullibility)

but i am as i am without any influence from that type, so i do not worry about them that much.

as long as i can protect my cash,
then i can ignore them easily.

I haven't really defined limits in my mind about trust. I know I won't stick with anyone who has been shown to be untrustworthy, but simply moving to a new person to associate with just because I can't determine if they are trustworthy or not seems counter-productive. Best to stick with people who are at least a possible, than more to a greater unknown. I also think I have different trusts; money, driving, feelings, life, etc.

(i have to wait for someone to come over so i have a few minutes to write)



neither will i.




i do not look for friends.
if i do not like someone anymore, i then go back to being friendless until someone else wants to know me.




i do not really want peoples company much anyway, so i will not stick with anyone who i do not know i can trust after about six months.

within that time, they will have either done something that proves they are untrustworthy, or they will not have done anything to prove it.

if they have not done anything untrustworthy in that time, i will trust them.



there are many types of trust i agree.

people who pretend to be my friend so i give them money, are bad. they also steal money they think i do not know i have (like coins on the floor of the car and other moneys).

but there is the trust in a persons abilities like driving where my safety is in their hands.

that has nothing to do with whether i like them or think they are nice people or not.

it means i do not want them driving in any non cautious way if i am to ride with them at all.

but the most common type of trust, is the trust that what someone says is true.

that is the most important to me.

maybe i attract people who lie. i do not know.

people tell me stories that they are animatedly describing, and i ask them a question that they did not expect, and then their stories come crashing down.
example:

a male friend of mine recently was describing in a machoistic way, how another big man in a truck pulled up next to him at the lights and abused him.

my friend said he "wound" down his window and yelled an obscenity at him.

apparently the swarthy truck driver got out and started to approach my friends car.

my friend said he got out and ran toward the man screaming in rage, and the man ran back to his truck and got in and drove through the red light to escape.


i asked where this occurred. he fumbled and stammered and then finally came up with a location ("petersham" (i know meaningless to you))

then i remarked that there were no sets of lights at "petersham " that stay red for long enough for the whole encounter to have occuured.

he said "well it could have been stanmore...who cares"

i said that an encounter such as that would have made him very aware of his surroundings and location as he incorporated it into his memory.

an equivalent is a woman who is attacked who can not remember what street it was in. absurd.

he said "what the hell does that matter?!?!"

and i said "it matters".

i do not believe him, and now i will not be sure of anything he says.

i do not want to listen to him talk anymore.

i may as well program a random phrase generator and listen to that instead.

that is what i mean by how i do not trust people.

they do not report exactly what happened that i did not see.

i can always pick inconsistencies in peoples talk, because i do not listen for the NT "emotive" side of the story, but the more AS "situational" side of it.

since they do not plan their stories for that type of inquiry, they are always unraveled by it.


another example is a girl i recently lost my trust in.

she rang me and told me about a man that we both know.
this man is about 65 and he was a hippy, and he is alcoholic and drugged out most of the time, but he is very intelligent.

he showed some physical interest in my female friend.

she said she rang him to tell him to stop "texting" her on her phone, and he was so drunk he recited shakespeare and fell off his chair and dropped the phone and went to sleep.

she said she could not make any calls for 20 hours until he awoke and replaced the receiver.

but there is one problem. the caller is the one who ends the call.
not the recipient.

i do not know if in canada it works this way, but i suspect it does.
in australia, if you call a person, then if they hang up and you do not, they can pick up another phone one the same line and still talk.

this means that only the instigating caller has the power to paralyze the phone, and not the recipient.

she called him, so the moment she hung up, her phone would have been free again.

she forgot that bit, and i alerted her to it and now she does not want to talk to me.

well fraudsters always run from cameras.

i want to know someone who is not out to impress.
they will not embellish what they report.

i will believe them with a strength if i know they have no motive to exaggerate.

i see headlights coming down the drive.
this was just a prattle and i should go.

These days, I don't leave money in clear sight of any visitors and get suspicious if charges in shops seem rather high. Yet I have unfortunately put my trust in people who turned out to be very untrustworthy. I think we like to believe the best of others but after enough knocks, we can easily go the other way and not trust anybody.

It is very important to me as well, but I have also learned and accepted that people will embellish their accounts/tales. What I do insist on though, is that if I question them on it/aspects, they then tell the truth, as I'm specifically seeking that reassurance. If they then lie, it is no longer a story-teller's dramatic affect, but an outright lie. That is just not acceptable to me.

My AS buddy actually lied/story-told just about everything he said, and still often does. He embellishes the truth to the point of not being able to recognize it anymore. That, for him, was a defence mechanism he learned as a child, to aid against the bullying he was suffering. However, I found this impossible to deal with, and we had a very serious discussion, only weeks into our growing relationship as friends. I insisted that for us to be friends, he must promise to never lie to me, or, if he really desperately needs to embellish, then he must tell me exactly what was embellishment, immediately after he finished his tale. He agreed, and for decades has honored this, and I always hear the truth of the matter. It is a situation/balance that could be destroyed with only one lapse, but it hasn't happened, and probably never will.


Almost, but not quite. If the calling party does not 'hang up' within several minutes (I haven't tested how long) then the system closes off the call. This is noticeable with tele-marketer's calls, as you can put the phone down and they are still there a short while later, but never after 5 minutes in my experience.


While I generally agree with you on this, my AS friend has developed this as a defence, and as long as he doesn't lie to me, I'm not upset with this too much, although I have told him that he really should stop doing it, since others are going to judge him on it, and maybe like him less. He does seem to have begun to limit this behaviour with people he likes, and who like him. I think he just doesn't really care very much if others believe him or not when it comes to total strangers.

When my son was small we go to the park. He would watch the kids playing. Anyone throwing dirt or hiting or pushing. HE know they were not to be played with. Off he would go to join the others and have a good time.

On another forum, one of the people befriended me and said I was his "best" friend. However, another woman caused a lot of trouble. A few of the women (myself included) would tell him she was putting a wedge in our friendship with him and he would stop communicating with her for a while and then she would tell a sob story and it would all start again.

Eventually, she was banned from the forum after sending threatening PMs to a number of people including me and inciting another member to stalk somebody. Unfortunately, I think the friendship I had is busted up because no matter how many pretty words or pictures this guy sent me, I thought actions spoke louder than words.

XB-70, I am wondering whether your friend is exaggerating rather than lying (fine distinction, I know). It may be- as with BK_G's friend- be a subconscious form of defence.

I know that my own geography is appalling (I work my way around by landmark, not district; know people by face, not name), so repeating a story in which I'm supposed to say where a confrontation took place would be, for me, no less fragmented than your friend's was.
(Not helpful if I wanted to report the incident to the police, I know.)

Also, if your friend really is as "machoistic" as you say he is, the reality may be that he was more frightened of the truck driver (assuming he existed) than the other way around, and if that is the case that may likewise give him a lapse of memory as to where he was at the time.
Fear can do that sort of thing to some people.

Perhaps the truck driver got back in his truck because he felt your friend wasn't worth it, and drove through the red light (assuming it was there) out of frustration.
Who can say?
But really, you shouldn't let an unseen road rage stand between you and your friendship with another person- at least that's what I think. Regardless of whether or not we feal we need friends, holding grudges and paranoia towards someone's sincerity can never make one happy in the long run.

exaggerating is lying.
i can not see it any other way.

if i find i am lied to, i then am not sure of anything they say after that.



my friend is aware of his location at all times.
i know he did not think of a place where his fallacious story happened before he said it to me.

i always can situate the place where important experiences happen for me in my memory.

i would be surprised if anyone could not.




what a tangle.
i can not be bothered unraveling peoples problems.
i spend my thoughts on other things than the personality convolutions of people.




that is correct. who can say?
well i can not say, and therefore i can not think about it in any meaningful way except to know that he lied.

whatever reason he lied for is irrelevant to me.
he lied and can not be trusted again with my belief.





i do not really have "friendships" with people.
i have "belief" in them.
it is a bit different.

if i can not believe someone, i will not listen to them again.

sorry but i am a heavy mass to deflect, and once deflected i never regain my course with them.



thanks for your words, i will think about them further and maybe realize i am short sighted emotionally.

i will see.
uote]

I agree fully with you, in that exaggeration IS a lie. As long as I'm not the victim of it though, I can forgive it, particularly and especially if the speaker tells me the unadorned truth if I request it.