Now please note, all I am stating is EXACTLY WHAT I DID, exactly what worked for me.

I do not know if it will work for anyone else. There has been no double-blind trial on this ;-). I am however confident that I have the "causality" right, in other words, none of it is coincidental change.

This post is very matter-of-fact, as in it's exactly what I did, exactly what I observed, exactly what I think happened. It is not really theoretical, as in "according to theory xyz this should work", rather, it just worked and I don't care too much to try and explain why it worked. I just know it did.

This is very much directed towards adults because you can't do this for someone else. It's a very, very personal journey.


Abandoning the idea of "I am who I am", I adopted the idea of "This is who I want to be".

For me this occurred soon after I got a professional diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, accepting this helped me to generate resolve to get on with my life.

In my case, I adopted the attitude:
"If I want to be a better person, I only need to be a better Buddhist"

You'll note that I wanted to be a good person, yet the idea of "good person" is so subjective and arbitrary. But on the other hand, I felt that Buddhists were the best people in the world by my standards, and I thus knew precisely what I could strive towards in order to become a better person.

I choose Buddhists, as my understanding, that they were people who embraced peace and harmlessness (as I already did), without suffering as a result (as sounded nice!). Furthermore, I had the understanding, that Buddhists embraced compassion, caring and virtue and I decided those were the attitudes I needed to develop within myself in order to become a "better Buddhist" and thus someone with both peace and harmlessness, and freedom from suffering - Buddhists proved these were not mutually exclusive (ie you can both shun popular soceity's ideals and be very happy). The ideals of buddhism and buddhist lifestyle, resonated with my heart very strongly.

It was not so much Buddhist teachings which pulled me out the condition of Asperger's Syndrome, but my firm and unfaltering GOAL to become a better Buddhist, to always try to act more kindly, more caring, "let go" of things like hate rather than clinging to them.

I had actually already overcome my depression before encountering and following real Buddhist teachings, the goal to realize the qualities of a Buddhist, was sufficient. Following the formal teachings was not required, but did naturally accelerate progress. In my estimate, the teachings of how to become a better buddhist, would do nothing without the goal of becoming a better buddhist. You just wouldn't care about those words.

The mind needs a goal, or else it will not work hard towards anything.

It is worth noting, that even before I adopted the strong goal of becoming a better buddhist, I played around a lot with the intellectual side of "Universal Compassion", that is, I decided it was a virtue to not hate anyone, not even criminals and terrorists, and so, that is what I did. I learned to not hate anyone. It took many years but it worked and eventually, I didn't hate anyone.

So that was a pre-goal to my goal of striving to be a better buddhist, simply being someone who doesn't hate anyone. I figured that was a good way to practise the Universal Compassion.

I picked up this concept of "Universal Compassion" from a book I read by the Dalai Lama as a teenager. And at an intellectual level, I liked it, because it felt wrong to hate.



Abandoning my search for worldly happiness, I found inner-happiness.

This happiness, came from the power of Unconditional Love, at the time I just called it all Universal Compassion, but I think Unconditional Love is what it actually was. Unconditioned love, unattached love, unconditional unattached love, universal love and compassion... the name of it, is not what it is. It's a feeling not a thought.

When you are deeply in love, there are no troubles in the world, the whole world is okay. That is happiness, mental-energy, a mind which is not dwelling on worries.
(But normal love, also makes you stupid, the conditions make you stupid)

The power of LOVE, is in being LOVING, not being LOVED. It is not possible for another persons feelings to get into your head, it is your own feelings which count. Everyone in the world could love you, but if you didn't love anyone back (or didn't appreciate their expression of their love), you would be very miserable, you would have none of that inner-happiness and energy which comes from being in love. You may cling to the idea, that you just need to find someone who loves you, and then you'll be happy. But their love, it cannot get inside you, and their expression of love, you may not appreciate.

My most lucid example, and my first true comprehension of Unconditional Love, occurred when I saw a very pretty and inspiring girl on an internet video. She was highly creative, intelligent and virtuous and worthy of respect in every way because she conducted herself so well, a very good role model.
I found her to be a wonderful person, and I thought:
"She is so wonderful! I wish I could love her! But she is too far away, she couldn't love me back, I don't even want to think about her sexually because she's too young and is inspiring just as an intelligent person and lust would just get in the way, I haven't done anything to deserve to love her..."
But then I remembered this concept of "Unconditional Love", to love beyond reason.
And I thought "Screw it! I'm just going to love her anyway!". All it took, was to drop the "I wish" and the "Buts" and to let the feeling which wanted to be, be. And I was filled with more happiness and energy than I'd ever experienced in my life. That was the power of pure unconditional love towards another person.
Unconditional love, is letting a feeling which wants to be, be. Instead of smothering it.

If I had not done that, I would have suffered greatly, because I would have continued wanting to love her, but not letting myself. That would have have caused me much suffering and pain. By simply letting the feeling be, my energy (which otherwise would have been devoted to stopping the feeling from being) was freed up for me to do other things with. Unconditional love does not so much generate energy, as unbind it, at heart, we want to love, but we stop ourselves because we feel we are undeserving, and thus we suffer not only from not having what we desire, but also from applying our energy to smothering.

I believe, it was the combination of my GOAL to be a more compassionate and loving person, with the expression of Unconditional Love, which allowed me to overcome the conditions of Asperger's Syndrome.

And that's it. Goal to be more loving + unconditional love = personal growth.


I truly believe that unconditional love is the only thing which matters in all of Buddhism and all of religion and all of spirituality - once you have unconditional love, you really have all the spirituality you want in the world, you know you can stop looking. There is obviously, a purpose to the dressings - that is, in bringing people to realizing the feeling of unconditional love, and in helping to make it more expansive. It must be expanded or else you will simply devote your energy to being unable to love some other object of desire, but after experiencing the power and joy of unconditional love, you'll naturally want to apply it to everything. The teachings accelerate this.

I know with certainty, it was teachings by the Dalai Lama which I read as a Teenager, which planted the "Seed" which allowed me to do this, if I didn't have the concept of universal compassion planted in my head, I would not have tried it and I would have continued to suffer, or even become suicidal. I did have to try it, simply reading about it was not enough. Simply understanding at a rational level and thinking "that sounds nice", is not enough. However you do need to understand it at the rational/reasoning level, in order to overcome the "Reason which gets in the way".

The conditions had to become right in order for this seed to germinate and blossom:
Specifically:
1) I needed the goal to be a person who is expansive in his lovingness rather than restrictive.
2) I needed a feeling of love wanting to be.

If you simply hide away from the entire world you will probably never experience a feeling of love powerful enough to be detected, you'll never hear it knock on the door and ask to be let in. That is where the Internet helped, because it let me encounter a person with qualities which truly captivated my heart.

However my post would not be complete, without mentioning my FIRST encounter with unconditional love, perhaps more than a year earlier. That was in the darkest moment of my life, when the whole world felt worthless, I literally couldn't find anything I could love in the world, it was all gray, all worthless, that was how depressed I was (there's kind of like a month or three of missing-time when nothing which I did was worth remembering). It was then, that I stopped looking out in the world, and, in desperation, looked inside for something to warm me... and I discovered I could love myself. Again the teachings of the Dalai Lama I'd read many years earlier helped me to do that. But at the time I did not understand it as being unconditional love, but it was, unconditional love towards my self, not based on any worldly conditions (ie usually you can't love yourself because you've not accomplished enough or whatever, your self-worth is pinned to worldly conditions).

I am uncertain if one needs to go into the deepest depths of depression in order to find unconditional love towards themselves. I would not think it is required. All you need to do is "Stop looking in the world" for something to love to make you happy. I believe most Buddhists do this through meditation. A safer alternative than literally getting hopelessly depressed. But if you ever are hopelessly depressed, maybe you could try stopping looking in the world, and looking inside instead.

This was approximately the length of my path:

18 years old: Read half of "The art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama. Liked the idea of Universal Compassion.
22 years old: Overcame hate.
23 years old: Became hopelessly depressed and found unconditional self-love.
23.5 years old: Formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, adopted "become a better Buddhist" attitude as a way to move forward.
24 years old: Felt unconditional love towards another person.
24.5 years old: Discovered Ajahn Brahm and REAL Buddhist Teachings.
25 years old: Felt universal unconditional love and compassion towards all sentient beings.
25.5 years old: Started calling myself a Buddhist since I was finally acting like one.
26 years old: Today. There is no discernible difference between me and other Buddhists*.

You understand, that this is not offered as a miracle cure. It is a hard-work process towards positive change that worked for me, to lead me from the deepest depths of hopelessness and depression, to great energy and happiness.
But it may not take so long, when not stumbling around in the dark with no guidance other than the two words "Universal Compassion" to go on. But then, that is the only important concept in all of spirituality. Desire to be expansive with your lovingness and don't let stuff (like hatred, distance, reciprocity, lust, etc) get in the way of feeling it.

So, that is what I did.

Blake.

* In other words, this is not a path to whatever you think of as normality**. It is just that the Buddhist ideals are equally attainable for Aspies and NT's and probably equally difficult to attain for both. The Buddhist path FROM aspism and the buddhist path FROM NTism converge and lead to the same place (but you CAN backtrack down the NT path and probably will just for fun!). The suffering of someone with Asperger's Syndrome and the suffering of someone with Neuraltypical Syndrome, are generally viewed as being equal unsatisfactory.

**The Buddhist practise of meditation, has actually been shown to neurologically alter the brain (the neurons fire in different patterns). As such Buddhists can NOT be described as NT's by any definition. Senior Buddhist Monks can even consciously mess with hospital equipment like vital-sign monitors in ways which is simply impossible for NT's to.

well i always will be who i am.
if i was what i wanted to be, then it would the same as i am now.

NT's want to be what they dream of.
i want to be what i am. i do not even have to "want" to be me.
i can not help it. i am me till i die.

even if who i was was a person riddled with cancer, i would never trade places with anyone else.

i think i would be very insecure living a life of who i was not really, but wanted to be.

sorry, i know you asked me not to post in your threads, but i would be interested to hear what you have to say.
the moderators will work out the peripheral details.

"I picked up this concept of "Universal Compassion" from a book I read by the Dalai Lama as a teenager. And at an intellectual level, I liked it, because it felt wrong to hate."

Interestingly, I had a similar feeling as a result of reading "Godbody" by Theodore Sturgeon.


"(But normal love, also makes you stupid, the conditions make you stupid)"

When I was a little kid, it was popular to do the 'If I had three wishes, this is what I'd wish for' thing, and one day I recognized that everyone, me included had been wishing for material things that we thought would make us happy. I thought, "What about if I just wished for happiness?" Well, a few moments of thought was enough for me to realize that sitting somewhere, droolingly happy, without any motivation to even eat or drink, would satisfy that wish, but it would be a quick end. I never did resolve that conundrum but I've always kept it in my mind that happiness, all on it's own, is not enough for a thinking human being. Blake's line, that I quoted, brought back those thoughts.


"allowed me to overcome the conditions of Asperger's Syndrome."

I don't think that the wording here is right. Or, if the words are as intended, then I think the underlying understanding of AS is deficient. No matter how much love you may have, some of the conditions, like sensory overload, are not 'overcomeable'. The stresses and personal condemnations of inadequacy, and frustrations of meeting external, and internal, expectations are able to be dealt with that way. Many of the AS conditions are things I wouldn't ever want to overcome, as I'm quite happy with them. The peace, for me, comes from accepting myself, and what I have, and if I want something changed, working towards that, and if something cannot be changed, accepting that without upset.


""Stop looking in the world" for something to love to make you happy."

That really says it all, in my view.

My question to you would be; if you were someone with a little bit of cancer, not yet terminal. Would you want just that little aspect of you - the cancer, to be changed? For the cancer to be removed? Or would you take your chances with death?


I've always, unfalteringly, liked who I was/am.
I basically just don't include my mental "cancers" in "self".
My self is the loving-kindness, compassion - virtue. Those are the things I would not change (except cultivating them further) because they mean everything to me. Everything else, is subject to change, I do not mind if it changes, even goes away.

I do not experience "wanting this or that aspect to go away". I just focus on cultivating the qualities I like and let the other aspects fade, if they so wish. I am always happy with who I am, but I also embrace positive change - change which leads me to being even more likable to myself. And the way to make this change happen, is not by aversion to what you don't like about yourself, but by strengthening the qualities which you find truly heartening.

Well, with a word like "Condition". The Buddhist meaning is a bit different to usual meaning.

But I would not guarantee that Buddhist Meditation is unable to overcome sensory overload. Actually, I would guarantee it could.

In Buddhist Perspective, all humans suffer sensory overload all the time (the 5 senses compel them into mindless action). It's just a little worse for those who are actually entirely overwhelmed by it at times (compelled into mindless inaction).

An incredibly important aspect of Buddhist Meditation for advanced mediators, is weakening the grip of the 5 senses such that they no longer compel one into mindless behavior. The mind remains peaceful and in control, regardless of what the 5 senses are doing.

Now, this is the kind of meditative state which you become a Monk in order to achieve, or at least go on serious meditation retreats. It's a not a "Lets try it a couple of times and see if it works".

But even just a different attitude to sensory overload would help a lot. The mental-suffering comes from the rejection, the aversion which says "I DON'T WANT THIS HAPPENING!", that's what causes the suffering. If you don't mind if it happens, no suffering. It just becomes a little hiccup in your day.


PS. Never underestimate the power of a happy mind to keep a body happy. For instance I no longer get body aches (except my knees!) and my hey-fever has entirely gone away. My body just works a lot more smoothly. Now part of this is from adopting a better diet and treating my body very well and recently, sleeping on a mat!
But if you don't feel good about yourself, you wont treat your body well - you wont care what food goes in the hole, you wont care if your body doesn't get enough exercise - in short if your mind isn't happy, you don't care for your body. Sure, you'd rather it not be dead, but as long as it's not dying, you tend to not care about it, you put things like the taste of food (immediate gratification), over the health of your body.
I care deeply for my body, anything which makes my body feel better, makes me feel better, I'm starting to think there's some kind of intimate relationship between me and my body ;-).

XB70 - you are always free to respond to any post you like as long as you do so in a respectful way, which you always do.

I encouraged XB70 to not read my posts at all if he is simply looking to attack my position. Sometimes he goes so far as to state, that he is not going to change his position and as such I waste my time by replying to him. I respect that quality of honesty in people. But it wastes his time to read my posts if he is in "Attack mode", I prefer people contemplate in favor of wasting time.

In any case, I do not mind if he raises interesting points, and his point is an interesting one.

Another take I'd like to make on it; is what it means to be happy with who you are.
I am very happy with who I am, and I pretty much always have been.

I liked a question:
What would you do if you woke up one day and discovered you were now the opposite gender?

My response:
"That's unusual. Now I have to become a Nun instead of a Monk"

If I were to randomly switch genders, I would still be just as happy with who I am. In other words, my happiness with myself, is not attached to my body, my body could change, even dramatically, and I would still be happy with who I am.

What makes me "even happier" with who I am, is expressing the noble qualities of love, compassion, kindness, caring, generosity, forgiveness etc etc.

To use another body example.
An athelete may like themselves just fine the way they are (they suffer no poor self-esteem issues). But like themselves even more, when they're fitter and faster and more capable of winning races, and so they train hard instead of bumming out on the couch. The state of being fat and slow, is not equal in self-worth, to the state of being fit and fast.

Being happy with who you are does not preclude the possibility of improvement and being even more happy with who you are.

One useful way to look at that; is to find people in the world, whom you find more admirable, than you find yourself admirable (a lack of vanity is useful here).
It's not to say that you'd be happier if you WERE them, but it's understanding, those ARE the qualities, which if you cultivate, would make you even happier with who you are.
I have no interests at all in trading places with Ajahn Brahm, that just doesn't make sense. But I find his qualities admirable, and wish to cultivate them myself. I find that the cultivation is the fun part anyway. If there was a kindness/compassion pill which would make you all kind and compassionate, I would not want it. Because the cultivation is the fun part, the useful part, the worthwhile part.

Hmm, interesting. I don't find XB70 to be in attack mode. And I certainly think that questioning someones position is an important part of growth and any kind of intellectual exchange. Otherwise it is just a lecture and that is not what we are about. Just because someone might disagree with a point you make does not make their response a waste of time. Many times you will learn more from your dissenters than your followers and I am assuming you are always looking to learn??

Linda

It's not an intellectual exchange.

semantics Blake - do you see my point at all or would you rather argue semantics? If you are trying to share your spiritual point of view then it does involve an intellectual exchange of ideas and philosophy's. I don't claim to know much about Buddhism but I am surprised that there is not more of a feeling of openness and willingness to learn from others to your ideas.

If you don't see it as an intellectual exchange what do you see it as? A platform to share your thoughts but not hear others? I am glad you have found something that works for you, I am happy to hear what you have to say about it and share your thoughts but it is my belief others have a right to respond to your ideas.

Linda