Long story short.

I have two slackers on my team. In their defense, they stated I just took over the project. Five days after I got negative reviews from our original proposal, I was finishing up my literature review.

They wanted a converse via teleconference - no problem. So, as I am waiting for them to decide on a date, I began re-writing the narrative. I know from past experience that one of my teams members likes to do things right up until the last minute. Since I agreed to edit, this drives me nuts because I cannot do things last minute and I like things done the way they are supposed to be done (even though I am also guilty at half-assing assignments, just not ones that 60% of the grade).

Well, no date was set. So, on Monday in class I said "Hey guys, this is what I have done, I've all ready sent you e-mails, this is what's left" and told them specifically what had to be done. Over the course of the week (AND previous week), I continued to e-mail them the grant proposal and had told them they could change it at will. I also found and emailed the budget details to the team member responsible for the budget. I told them to please send me their stuff by Friday. Well, Friday I had a migraine and told them to send it to me anyway and I would edit it first thing Saturday. One team member called me, asking if she could have things done by the afternoon. Not having to want to write the entire grant proposal myself, I agreed. However, this seriously screwed things up. I couldn't do any final editings until she had gotten me her final edits. That person went out, sent me a different e-mail ... and sent me her edits 2 minutes past the deadline. Meanwhile, the member who's in charge of the budget sent me the budget. The budget was not done correctly, so I went about changing it - only to get yelled at him for changing the numbers (even after the fact that he told me to add $250 for the fliers). During our draft proposals presentations, we were told that the psychologist was not needed on our pay roll and he had added 8 carts when we had need 1. I told him why I had made these changes. This is the same member who told me not to email the professor any more (the instructions were confusing about styling and formatting, so I had to ask her 1.) if these the instructions in the booklet overrode the syllabus and 2.) could I please get feedback (because my team wasn't giving me, except for answering a few questions about details of the report)). At any time they could have stopped me and jumped in.

From the draft proposal comments, the professor had stated that we had needed a plan and other various things that I had dealt with in writing the literature review.

Later on in the week, I finally broke down and told the professor that the copy she had was not complete and was missing items. I told her that I done most of the work. She agreed to talk to the other members and had asked us to stay after class this Monday. Well, she assigned us a simple task of writing a one page paper of any changes we thought were neccessary. The team members wrote me this morning and essentially attacked me, stating I had went behind their backs, I was acting "shady", my time frame was off, and I was only seeing the world how I wanted to see it. This seriously pisses me off. They could have jumped in at any time. I either had to take over the paper and make the neccessary changes. One of the team members keeps stating that they did all the hard work in forming the ideas (which have since been torn out of the copy in order to not make it offensive). So, now they are all upset at me. Yes, I know they have jobs, families, and lives. I know everyone has issues. I know there are sicker people than me. However, even when I was working, I would still stay up and finish my assignments - even if it meant I didn't get any sleep. True, I don't have children, or a husband, or a life. It's BS. It's also funny because now I have their attention.

The one team member had half assed the original rough draft. I even had sent her a literature review over the weekend and had explained to her in class that particular week what had to go into the grant proposal. Because I had to do editing at the last moment, I had nothing to go off of and came off sounding offensive. I almost had to wear my pjs to class the first round of edits because she had sent them to me so late. For the final due date, she was again so late with the edits that I couldn't even include them, because it was past the due date. She's still calling them target audience "the homeless" (they're the socioeconomic disadvantaged) and is it not getting that the majority of the user needs assessment IS the literature review. I'm trying to tell her that we have been doing a research study, but she doesn't seem to get it and I've explained it to her several times! I even wrote in that e-mail that it was not yet complete and she's now telling me that my structure is off! On the first project I worked with her, she half assed the assignment. I told her to confirm her organization with the professor. She never did and is now accusing me of "stabbing her in the back" (she choose a state organization and not a national organization). She called me on Monday, asking when our final paper is due for another class (on Wednesday) and was shocked to hear that it was our last class. This was announced over a month ago! Thus, I cannot trust her and she wonders WHY!

I wrote the professor today and told her I was not coming on Monday, to forget the final, and I would take an F. Unfortunaly, now she's concerned - she thought she had solved the situation. Instead, she had inadvertently made it worse and I'm ready to just scream. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Now I have more stress than ever and I just found out today that I will need to have my eyes checked my specialist at a hospital every four months until further notice (I have hypertension in my eyes and also a spot that is worrisome, but it's not cancer - yeah?).

- Serenity

I tried to follow your post, but I had trouble.

What is this project about? Maybe you explained it in another thread and I missed it?

I would say (based on what I understood from your post, and based on what I have experienced in my own school career) that you have embarassed your team members. They know they were slacking, you outed them, they know it is not really your fault, but they're going to take it out on you anyway.

I would not accept failing a class because of the laziness of your teammates. I assume you were emotional when you wrote to your professor. I would talk to the prof again once you have calmed down to try to figure out how to pass.

Also, I wouldn't say your professor (or you) made the situation worse. This all rests with your teammates and their reactions.

This is why I hated group work.


Melody

Who cares what they think? I know it is hard to be the odd man out and get attacked because of others guilty consciences but you will never see these people again - so to hell with em!! I think you should contact your teacher, tell her what is happening and that you really don't want an F on something you have put so much effort into and ask her what you can do to get the grade you deserve without the threat of being verbally abused by the group. She may have a solution. I think Melody's assessment of the dynamics of the group are right on.

Sorry you are having such a tough time - you are almost out of there!!

Linda

I am going to assume that you have ALL the emails sent and received (I know I do, with literally thousands and thousands going back forever) and what I would do is printout the whole shebang, including your post, and deposit the whole thing with this professor who thought she had solved the problem. The thing is, you have PROOF that you've been sabotaged by your team-mates, and if they are accusing you of back stabbing, go do it properly.

Not a bad suggestion Bart except for one thing....I am assuming this professor is very busy - seeing the sheer volume of all that paper will, in my mind, just make her look at none of it. Too much. Maybe just write down for her what you did for us. When we are in the right we really don't have to defend ourselves with huge displays of proof. I think it tends to make us look defensive. Kind of for me it is the old Dragnet phrase "Just the facts maam". If the prof needs more proof she can request it but dumping the whole thing in her lap will only make her resentful I think. I think it is important to stick up for yourself and let the truth be known but I don't think you have to make it into a huge confrontation.

Linda

Maybe you're right, but maybe not. One year, I came back to Canada from a 4.5 week vacation, all in the USA, and I had made hundreds of purchases, some large, some small, some permanent, some consumables (and consumed). I got to the border and had to declare my purchases. Well, inside I headed, and a whole briefcase of receipts, all neatly in envelopes, day by day. The man at the counter looked at my official declaration, then at the briefcase, then at contents of one of the envelopes and said, "I'm going to find everything in perfect order, aren't I?" I laughed, and said, "Yep." At that point, he just sighed, rubber stamped my declaration, and welcomed me back. So, my point is that just by providing all the backup, you have proven that you have it all, have nothing to hide, and are willing to allow the other person to make the decision based on the facts, which are obviously going to be irrefutable, or you'd never have brought it all there. Without any further thought, this professor is not going to look, but jump to the valid conclusion that Serenity is not only right, but any amount of checking will prove it. I have no doubt that this professor will not look beyond maybe one or two emails, and if those top ones happen to be very indicative of the situation Serenity has been dealing with, it is case closed, right there.

ahh - but border patrols - beauracrats, they welcome, no they LOVE the paper trail and the endless proof. Real people not so much! It's that old "Thou doth protest too much" for most people I think. Who knows but I would probably approach it with "Here is what happened and I can provide proof if need be".

Well. Don't ever snap on the wrong day. I can't even believe they had the audicity to put the blame all on ME.

Got the higher ups involved. Oops.

Oh well. Just means a trip to the dean of disability services.

The director of my department is having me forward all the e-mails to her.

That on top of the "eye drama" and yesterday wasn't my favorists of days. I get another specialist added to my list - yeah! (written with heavy sarcasm). They were going to send me to an eye specialist at a local hospital Tuesday, but no health insurance. I need a job and fast, apparently. I have "RPE hypertrophy (OD) inferior temporal feindus" with boarderline ocular hypertension. There you have it. No clue what it means.

Fun.

- Serenity

"I wrote the professor today and told her I was not coming on Monday, to forget the final, and I would take an F."

If you don't still think that makes sense, and why would it, then it was a mistake, no matter what.

Art of War.

The good news, out of all this mess, is that group has FINALLY read the power point! Should I hold out hope that they've read the grant proposal??

I snapped Tuesday. When I say "snap", I mean the bad kind of "snap". As in, good thing I don't own a gun. I was so angry that I just kind of laid in bed for half the afternoon, crying. The other half of the evening I stared at the television and didn't move until I made myself get up and go to bed at 4 in the morning. I have enough self-discipline to now stay away from knives, not to bang my head against hard surfaces, over the counter meds, pain killers, and alcohol.

I had no one to talk to last night. My mom was busy at the office. She worked late. Called me tonight, but I was on my way to class. My stepdad spoke to me via IM briefly at 9. That's why I posted what I had to the board and why it made no sense. I need a break from life. I'm tired of always being sick, of going to the docs and always hearing something bad, of missing my dad, and wondering about employment. I feel lost, no plan, nothing holding me down. I feel out of control. It's scary.

- Serenity

Hang in there, Serenity, and keep posting what you need to here.

I recognize this because Mrs Howie goes off in the same directions.
I have my own difficulties, as well.

But this direction, I've seen.

This too, shall pass.

You feel like you're failing, when just hanging in there is the very definition of true success.
Doesn't feel that way now, I know.
But it will in the long run.

As hunters say, "The tougher the prey, the sweeter the kill."

Might gross you out.
But nothing that comes too easy is fully satisfying.

You are in the right place Serenity, with friends who care! I may not be an Aspie, but I do care about people and I worry about friends who are hurting. As long as you know you did what is right and on the up and up you will be rewarded for your hard work. The truth will come out in the end.You know, many of our rewards are not here on this earth but we will eventually receive them if...OK I won't go there but you get the picture and have heard it before, I'm sure, or you can PM me if you want.

Just hang in there we all care and those furry little friends need you to give them their broccoli

Connie

Serenity, you have nothing to feel badly about - you did what you were supposed to do. I know sometimes being right is a lonely road but in the end it makes you the kind of person you can feel proud of. We all have really bad days where we feel "nobody likes us, everybody hates us" etc. and I have often layed in bed and tossed and turned and obsessed about what I could have/ should have done differently in a situation. One thing that sometimes helps me is to ask myself the 5 year question - "Is this going to be important to me 5 years from now" if the answer is no I then try to tell myself over and over to let it go, let it go. Not once has driving myself crazy about it ever helped. Sometimes I still do though. The older I get the easier it is for me to see that these are bumps in the road and I just need to have really good shocks.

Hang in there! We are here for you!

Linda

Serenity:

I have dealt with rough situations in projects in school/work before so I can sort of empathize with you on this. I'm sorry to hear about the health troubles. This may sound hokey, but remember that it doesn't rain every day - things will start looking up at some point.

if you have the recipe, then forge ahead,
they will all taste of the cake when it is ready.

who cares about "validation" or anything like that?

who can "validate" you? no one.

no one has the power to say what is valid or not.

forget about the outsiders and concentrate on your aim, and do not even look sideways at detractors.

they are just losers who want to make other people lose so they feel in company.


they may have a "title", but they also have an unofficial title in my mind.

never look to anyone else in the world to validate you i so believe.

you are such a special genetic arrangement, that what you believe is un-assessible by many people.

so stay with what you beleive and know it is true.


i know if i encountered you, i would pay attention to you.

throttle up.

Yes, please hang in there, Serenity and don't take the blame. It sounds like you did most of the work and they procrastinated and allowed you to shoulder most of the work.

You've come so far and I'm proud of you.


Carla

So, the director of the department and the director of disability services talked to me.

No biggie. Just had to basically tell them that I'm not sucidal. Just coming home after a bad doc's appointment to angry e-mails doesn't make for a good day when you're already depressed, stressed, and pissed off.

The director of the department told me to not meet with my group members - without telling them. Just told me to send an email to them telling them I wasn't feel well. Well, one member did not buy it and called me EIGHT times. The first time was on teh bus and the second time was while at the store. There was a kids yelling and singing loudly in the soap (all I needed was Dawn!). Well, I can't talk on the phone, trying to buy something, and block out the noise.

The damn "team" member already knew I was not feeling well. I told her I did not have the slides in front of me and told her that I sent her, in e-mail, what sections she was to do.

She called me twice in the store. I told her specifically that I wanted to get home before I did anything. At this point, I was at the point of snapping again (there was a reason why I was told not to go to the meeting!).

She called me THREE more times on the way home. I even ran across the highway on a red light because she wouldn't stop calling. So, I screamed at her that to leave me the fuck alone and I'd be home in twenty minutes. I did not like her attitude and she was being rude.

I then wrote her a snippy e-mail telling her that she better have read all twenty articles for the slides she wanted to do, because I did not want any negative responses like what happened during the draft review presentation (I also had this member in my poster presentation and she totally screwed the team over; she had brought a stack of papers that she had shared with neither I or the other team member and rambled for like 10 minutes - totally unprepared).

Well, she got pissed because a.) I didn't show up to the meeting and b.) I was CC-ing all the emails to the director of the department (which I was told to do). She basically called me a drama queen, a martyr, and accussed me of trying to control the presentation (I am, no question there - I was basing the presentation on familiarity, which meant I would have done 3/4 of the presentation). I left it alone at that and wrote an e-mail to the professor, director of the department, AND director of the disability services asking to do another grant proposal over the weekend, but no deal

I have to do the stupid presentation with my slacker team mates on Monday.

If she tries to talk over me, I will just talk louder.

I would have to say that have a really, really hot bath with anti-stress epsom salts, an anti-stress facial mask, and a mudslide, I'm feeling pretty good tonight. All warm and relaxed.

I am seriously thinking of writing an e-mail to the team member who was so rude. May be explaining the entire situation would make her feel like slime for being so rude. Then again, I don't really care. Monday is my last class.

- Serenity

My advice - let it go - enjoy your warm relaxed self!

Oh I am

All fuzzy and warm and relaxed. Like I used to feel on Christmas mornings as a kid with my dad home.

I just wrote her an e-mail explaining the situation and how, based on that situation, I could not possibly be a martyr in any sense of the word. My B.A. in English Lit. and minor in Classical Civilization finally comes in handy - boo yah! Then switched around the slides and agreed on a set. Monday should come and go without a hitch.

Time for bed. Need to get up early to clean and shop.

- Serenity

I would not answer her when she calls your cell phone.

Totally bombed the presentation.

One member claimed I messed up the numbers and that he was uncomfortable with my behavior and did not come to class.

The other member bombed and let me carry the presentation all the way through (the only who claimed that I was trying to take over the presentation when I was just trying to base the slides on familiarity). I remembered on Monday that she was not too familiar with Power Point and sent her an e-mail on Monday showing her how to access the notes. That totally screwed her up because she did not know that each note went with a particular slide.

My APD was so bad I wasn't processing nothing, so the Q&A session bombed worse than the presentation. Jen was sitting behind me, pissed off, arms crossed and then asked rather rudely "Do you mind if I say something?". I mean, sheesh - c'mon! I was not trying to take over the project or the presentation. I knew they were going to wait until last moment, half-ass it, and then leave me last minute to make edits. Even then, I did a piss-poor job because I clearly lacked focus. The proposal needed another set of eyes! There was just so many mistakes. It reminded me more of my high school papers than anything else and I am just so embarassed. I wrote a better 25 page study over the course of one weekend than that P.O.S. I wrote in one week.

And to think it is all my fault because I forgot to copy my accomodations sheet for the professor. I could have gotten out of the project from the get-go. However, my stupid pride got in the way. I am trying to hammer "team skills" into my head so I can get a job. And the ironic thing is I will more likely get fired from any future employment (if I am so lucky) because of my lack of social skills, not team skills!

I am so mentally banging my head right now. That, and this tooth pain is really kicking my ass. This damn tooth -----! Can't sleep, can't eat - all it does is throb, throb, throb! I can't afford a dentist, either - not unless the accept IOU's. I will be lucky if I get this final exam finished, the apartment cleaned, and finished packing by Saturday. My mom might have a rude awakening as to the lack of my organizational ability.

Ugh.

If I had not gone to that stupid conference in Jan and done a good job, I would not be in the mess I am now. I could just let this stupid matter go, but no - I had to do a good job and I paying for it now!

- Serenity

"No good deed goes unpunished" - Clare Boothe Luce