Stop looking for someone or something in the world to love you back would be even more to the point. It's my issue exactly. I judge my worthiness to be loved by the reactions of others as perceived through my extremely anxious eyes.

There's an interesting article in the June Scientific American about a "trust hormone". It includes a comment that autism may be related to anomalies in producing or recognising this hormone.

A different article, touches on this as well: http://www.world-science.net/othernews/051208_trustfrm.htm

I'm not particularly swimming in oxytocin, I guess, since my immediate thoughts are that this seems like an excellent way for unscrupulous retail, or even illegal drug dealers, to allay all fears and convince people to buy something they would otherwise not. Not far behind will be the con-man, talking you out of your credit card. As with subliminal messages, there is more danger from general usage than benefit from careful use. If there were a hormone that would make people more trustWORTHY, rather than more trustING, we'd all be better off.

Even in a best case scenario, I can only see the relief from some of our AS fears, but in many instances, those fears are justified due to how we have been treated previously. Removal of that fear may not be the smartest thing. We already get into trouble for saying the wrong things because we don't read the social cues, and removing our last bit of trepidation or caution doesn't sound like a smart move to me.

It's strange, because a lot of people on the autistic spectrum, far from being mistrustful can be almost too trusting, because they can't lie. Not the case for all, of course, but I think the people advocating this theory are- much like the people who put forward the "MMR causes autism" theory- looking at just one specific side-affect of autism and deciding that there must be someone or something to blame for it.

(I guess I forgot to put my oxytocin cap on today...)

I think that initially AS kids are way more trusting/naive than other kids. However, over the years of being slammed they become much less trusting than most from the experience of being hurt and misunderstood over and over again.

Linda

I'd say that describes me. There may be something to the idea that NTs have some kind of instinct for when to trust, which Aspies lack, so we have to learn conciously what to look for.

Makes sense. I know I was and sometimes still am, like that.

when i was a child, i trusted everyone.
i knew i could be trusted, and i knew that others were more mentally well than me, so i really thought they could be trusted.

then as i grew older, i saw on tv on current affairs shows and the like, rip off merchants who con and swindle their way through life.

also, in tv drama's, con men are always portrayed in a particular way.

i never saw anyone who seemed like those guys on the news, and i assumed they were rare.

when i was old enough to enter the world on my own and pay my own way through life, i always was struck by how my car cost $2,000 at every service when other people's cost $300 or so (in those days i did not have a mercedes but a ford ltd)

every time i went to mechanics, they came up with unexpected additions and necessities and my bills were exorbitant.

my father went once with me to find out why i was charged so much every time, and then he discovered that they were all cheating me.

he said that most people hungry for a dollar can sense my gullibility.
given the fact i earn more than average because i program software for companies, i am gullible with money.

every greedy and dishonest persons hope is that they will encounter a gullible person who has cash to spend.

it is like taking candy from a baby.

they do not know why i have money.
they probably think i inherited it because they consider me stupid.

i seem stupid because i am slow to catch on in perky smart peoples NT conversations. i may not catch on at all.

so i started to look at the people out there in shops and even my "friends" (of which i had very few), and i realized that most people are looking for cracks or weaknesses to exploit.

even my so called "friends".

i usually have a large stockpile of coins. in the moring i go to the atm and get some notes, and i pay for everything i buy that day with notes.

all the change i get in coins, i ignore, and i do not use the coins to pay for anything.

so at the end of the day, i always have a few dollars of coins in my pockets, and i throw them into a big bucket.

this bucket grows and grows, and i realized that it was being fleeced of large coins.

like 1 and 2 dollar coins and 50 cent pieces.

there was only 5 and 10 cent pieces in there mainly after my friends had gone.

how may people were stealing from me?
i did not know who of the people i trusted was just taking stuff while i was asleep.

when i confronted my 3 friends separately and said i know what is going on, each one gave an oscar winning performance "oh my god mark!!! who would do that to you ?!"

well one of them was a liar, and they all sounded as honest as each other.

maybe each one picked out $40 in coins from my bucket every time they came over.

i do not know.

but now, i do not trust nearly anyone.

i realize that i am without much personality, and people do not feel as guilty for ripping me off as they do about ripping off someone who they identify with.

i trust simple people a bit.

they are not capable of the swindles and other falsehoods that smarter hungry greedy people perform.

i love animals and i can trust them.

but with people, i know there is an intellectual ability to "hoodwink", and a lot of people use that ability for their advantage.



another type of dishonesty is a "fabrication of character".

i think it is the worst.

people who are always acting like how they want to be seen are so fake.

when i was younger, used to believe girls who seemed to be miraculously compatible with me.

they meet you, they like you, they change their personality to fit you.

they get tired of it and suddenly one day reveal their rotten core.
yuk!!!!

and when you are autistic, you can be entranced with a simplistic flow of trust, and then see the bat just a second before it hits your face.


if they are not like me, they should not pretend to be like me just to buy my trust.

because when i find out, not only are they finished in my mind, they also leave a hurtful feeling behind in me.

this post may sound like a thorough whinge, but there is always an optimistic outcome.

and that is that when i encounter someone i trust these days, it is a hard won battle for them, but it is so reassuring to me that i found someone solid and true, and i think that the value of trustworthy people is so high because there is such a short supply.

i can see the "fools gold" from the "real gold" now.

so if i ever get any more friends, they will be better than the ones i had when i was gullible.

(btw: i trust my girlfriend tammy, and an other firend who has his own money, so i am not barren)

sorry this was longer that i wanted.

there is an art to abbreviation which i do not have a talent in.

You've summed up my own position quite accurately. I guess the big difference is that I still interact with people, and will still assume a certainly level of trustworthiness in them, but I avoid putting myself into a position of vulnerability as much as possible. I will visit their homes, they will not visit mine, as I do not invite them in. It takes decades associating with someone before I will even think about trusting them somewhat.

Even NT's get hurt and often find it hard to find a good friend the can really trust. Even then that friend turns out to turn their backs on them and walks out with out a word of why. I've had that happen three times in my life. No explanation what-so-ever, they just leave, disappear, not a word, and I thought we were close as two people could be (girl to girl friend like). Then I felt used and so unlikable and then it takes time to be able to trust any one else like that again. It takes time to let anyone that close again.

I have only one close friend, that's my husband. One person who knows me inside and out. Before he married me, before we started dating, before he told me he loved me I wanted him to know everything about me, so I told him everything, it he was going to run I wanted him to go before I got hurt. Know what? he didn't run! He was the genuine thing! almost 24 years! He's still my best friend, ONLY friend!