We had an interesting discussion last night. Max was not happy that he got called out of spanish class to attend speech therapy. Frankly I don't think he needs it anymore and since we have not had his IEP yet this year I was surprised they had set him up for it already. He said he thinks he speaks fine. I explained that was not the only function of speech therapy. I went into explanations about literal interpretation and body language etc. He said that he never needed help with that stuff - he always understood stuff etc. I reminded him of some of his struggles in social situations etc. prior and asked him did he not think that all that the school and we had done had helped that. He said " I really do appreciate what the school did and I know that you guys fought hard to get me help and I appreciate that too but I think I am good. I think the stuff really helped me in Jr. High and maybe in last year but I don't think I need any help anymore." I told him I agreed and I would call the resource teacher today and get the speech therapy cancelled. He then said " It's almost starting to feel like these things are not because I am gifted but like special ed or something" That cracked me up . I always wondered why he never complained about the speech classes etc and now I see that we somehow conveyed to him that these things were designed to help him develop his gifts not help him with problems. I guess that is what I would prefer him to think and he did. I was not aware he "got" that.

Linda

Maybe Max has the same problem I do - he thought it was obvious, so he felt no need to say it.

I am sure you are right John.

I called today and set up an IEP and canc. speech therapy and meetings with the psychologist. He has really tough courses this year and says he does not want to miss class. I am glad he is speaking up and making decisions for himself. He used to just go along with whatever and not pay much attention.

Linda

Only thing is, if the courses get too hard at any stage, does he have the option of dropping a subject? My younger daughter is bright but had to drop a couple of her harder subjects this year because it all got on top of her.

This is her final year of highschool and I'm not sure that she wants to go back to studies next year. Her dad wants her to but I think she would prefer to try for a jewellery making apprenticeship (she did her work experience at a jeweller's and was very tempted to apply for an apprenticeship at another jeweller this year only the timing wasn't the best as she was halfway through senior).

She is also thinking of doing visual arts but she could even do courses through the TAFE if she didn't want to go to the university. She's very creative and writes stories too but so far hasn't got to the stage of being able to sell them anywhere. She also wants to do some paintings and see if she can sell them over E-Bay).

If Max is as like me as he seems, a hard course is no problem - a boring course is the danger.

If your daughter really enjoyed her jewelry work, I'd certainly let her do that. If she feels that she's attending university under duress, I can't see her studying much.

You give me the opportunity to tot out one of my favorite quotations from Trollope's 'The Prime Minister' "It is of some importance for a young man to decide whether he shall make hats or boots, but afterward, he must make a much more important decision: shall he make good boots or bad?"

How did you handle situations when max was younger and getting him to apply himself with school work? Jacob is havong trouble with math, so I made worksheets for him do do every night to help him get back up to speed? Today was very trying. It took over 2 1/2 hrs and fighting for him to finally do it. I think it may have had something do do with something at my bubbas. My mom had called and asked if he was in a better mood. He was happy and ok when I got up. So I'm really not sure what set him into this slump. Every time I ask and try to figure out whats bothering him he always says...I don't know. You have said things get better, but days like these I get really doubtful anf FRUSTRATED!!!! I don't fell I have as much positive support here at home, only online. I try to open up and speak freely with my husband but he most always looks at this negatively. How can I get him to listen and look at Jacob and progress in life and school with a positive aspect. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and Krista does't help much with pushing his buttons

Getting Max to apply himself? Still have not got a handle on that one. With Max I have to find a way to show him the benefit to him. He won't do something to please me or because he is told he has to. I have had to learn to really search for the benefit to him - luckily I sell loans for a living and benefit is a very important aspect of that. Once I figure out the benefit then I have to find a way to show Max that it really is. The bad news is sometimes he is right - there really is no benefit to him. Then I have learned that as in most things, honesty is the best policy. I have to say something like " You are right, this is stupid. It has no value that I can see. However, in order to move forward you have to do this to get there. For instance, hated biology but really wanted to take physics. Can't take physics until you pass biology. So the benefit to him was down the road. Hard concept for most kids and especially aspie kids. Also, he got an F in biology the last semester, had to make it up. Made him do it through summer school. He wanted to wait until this year but then he would still be behind in credits. If he did not pass it in summer school he would have had to take it again this year instead of physics. Explained it to to him that way and he earned an A. Just a word to the wise, if your child is having a problem with a subject summer school is perfect I think. In our district you take one class, 4 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week for 3 weeks. You have no other homework or other classes to distract you. Our kids are usually bright enough to do well if they can focus on one thing. Max turned his F in Spanish & Biology to an A. He liked the teacher better so he liked the class better and he did not want to retake it and he had no distractions, all these things worked for him.

Is there anyway your husband might visit here and find out what is really happening? Or do you need this as a safe place? Maybe there is another site you can find for him to get info. My husband accepted it much better from the therapist when we had family counseling. If you guys have not done family counseling to support Jacob I strongly recommend it. Sometimes hearing someone else say the same things you have been saying has a greater impact.

Linda

"He then said " It's almost starting to feel like these things are not because I am gifted but like special ed or something" "

lol
That's like my 16-yr-old AS-diagnosed nephew's school.
I call it for the "gifted/handicapped"

Most of them are smarter than all the kids in "regular school," yet supposedly they are 'inferior' because they aren't good at saying things like, "Wow, thanks, that's a great present, Grandma!" when actually it's useless to them.

;)

Isn't it interesting how the personal relationship between the teacher and the student is so important?

I have two teachers now. One is very enthusiastic and tries beyond all means to help each student. He is thus likeable and requires no management. The other is a contractor for a huge software company and has a bad reputation amongstthe students. I am handling him by asking questions not that I need the answer to but that point out his shortcomings and lack of experience in subtle and appropriate ways.

One thing I used to say about taking guitar lessons when I was a teenager was how "cool" it was that I was learning things that were not in any book, but only could be passed from person to person. (I try to share those things with people I meet now, just to pay it back.)

Education is very personal, and it is sad that at times we must be savvy enough to manage our teachers correctly.

As an Aspie, I feel that many of my greatest strengths come from teachers who didn't need to be managed, but because I trusted them allowed me to learn the material.

In fact, one of my greatest friends is one of my former professors of music from Evergreen with whom I am in regular contact and who continues to encourage me to make records. He too taught me things that could not be contained within the covers of a book.

I am glad that Max found some people he could trust to teach him.

Ah, if only some of my teachers and my parents knew the way to "sell" things to me as a child was to point out how they would be of advantage to me (mind you, it had to be something I valued personally - not much use to tell me to study harder so I could get a "good job" with "high pay" as money didn't concern me as much as the anxiety that people wouldn't like me and would give me a hard time).

Then again, it could be argued with a degree of justice that it wasn't for them to sugarcoat suggestions/instructions - I should have just done them because they believed they would be good for me.

I got into major panic attacks about joining the band or playing sport because the first thing that came into my mind is the other kids would realise how hopeless I was and would make unkind comments.

However, I was all for joining an art class for kids and was very sad when the teacher gave up her sessions. Anything where I was either as good as the other kids or ahead of them would have been something I'd have been fine with joining.

One day mum said in exasperation "you don't want to go through the stage of learning, of doing something poorly and practicising until you get good; you only want to do things you don't have to struggle with". I think she was spot on there.