Hi guys, my 16 year old has Aspergers since 2 yrs of age. I have been through H.E. double hockey sticks and back. I know what Autism/Aspergers is. My now 6 yr old has entered full time school in 1st grade and they are telling me my child has AUTISM.
I can tell you this.. HE DOES NOT.
He sadly is a victim of my 16 yr old who has Aspergers. He has lived in a house with his screaming, raging angry brother.
Those nasty habits and fits etc rubbed off.
Now what? Do I de-Asperger a 6 yr old? Not likely.
The first day of school he came home with a note saying, tell him to stop talking. I had a phone call home the 2nd day stating he needs an IEP. Wow, maybe the can despense him pills to make him act like a statue! Can ASPERGER habits rub off from kid to kid in the same house?

My son was diagnosed with AS in first grade. He is in 6th now. He talks in class all the time and cannot stop when told. Are you sure he couldn't have AS? I know several families with more than one child (especially boys) on the spectrum.

Well, thing is I know every Aspergers kid is different and I suppose he could have it. But according to the Clinical Diagnostic Criteria list of Aspergers/Austism, nope. My oldest son had nearly every symptom of Autism/Aspergers. This 2nd child does not. He is hyper but in school he is doing actions and things he would never do at home. I am a SAHM and this is his first time out of my site and away for the entire day. I am thinking is he bouncing off the walls away from mommy. ? !
Last year he loved school and cried if he missed a day. This year he begs me to stay home. He is a big monkey see-monkey do boy. Today we were at the neighbors and a 11 yr old boy took the rope swing and repeadly swung it at a 7 yr old girl. She was in the middle on the monkey bars. I told him to stop 3-4 times and then my son takes his swing and hits her with it. (hit: by pushing it onto her) He knows it wrong but says the "big" kid did it.

Hi - I am sorry your son is having so many struggles in school. As you know Aspergers is not "habits" but rather a wiring issue. Can your child emulate his brother? Yes. Can he also have a milder case than your other child but still have AS? Yes.

Am I to understand that your other son was diagnosed at age 2? If you have 14 years of experience I am sure you do know a lot about AS/Autism. What makes you so sure your other son does not have AS? Every child is different. Some kids can hold it together at home but when they are thrown into a social situation such as school they start having more issues and showing more of their symptoms because they are not in their comfort zone.

Is it possible that you have such innate knowledge of AS that you have just been subconsciously doing everything right with your younger son at home so he is not frustrated or misunderstood so you would not notice signs of AS but when he is placed in a situation with people that don't respond to him in the proper ways his symptoms are more pronounced. I am the last one to tell another parent about their child. I truly believe the aware parent is the expert on their child. I am only suggesting that maybe you have handled things so well that it has not been obvious. It is my experience that the schools are not dying to put kids in IEP's. Tons of work and hassle for them. So if they are suggesting it they must be seeing something that perhaps your son is not exhibiting at home. Probably the logical thing to do would be to have him tested. Just because he does not show all the signs does not mean he does not show some.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

One other question, your older son has not gotten better as he has matured? What has been done by the school and at home to help him? Why do you think he is screaming, raging and angry? Or was this when he was younger?

Please keep us informed. And welcome!

Linda

My gentle questions:

Would you be ok if the younger son also was diagnosed AS?
Have you set up a reality where you can handle the older son's challenge only if you have no 'Round 2'?

Regardless, whatever the younger son's situation, it's not about his older brother.

Godspeed.

I have only one child, so I am not speaking from experience here, but it does occur to me that he could be imitating his brother.

We've had some debates on this site about disciplining Aspie children. I think most of us would agree in principle that one should tell a misbehaving child "I love you very much, so it makes me sad to see you behaving this way. I hope you learn to behave differently, because if you don't, it will limit your ability to enjoy life". However, this is a complex message, especially for a young child, so we tend to react in a simpler way.

One of the simpler ways of reacting is to compare a child's behavior to the skills he OUGHT to have mastered by his age. With an Aspie child, we soon learn this doesn't work, and then battle teachers who have yet to learn it.

If you have abandoned the OUGHT for your older child, has this affected the way you treat the younger in such a way as to induce him to mimic some AS characteristics? Just a thought.

Hmmm...food for thought...perhaps. I would really have to say that he falls into the ADHD catergory. Yes, I suppose I am a bit of an expert at treating my sons in a special way to comfort and control them. My 6 yr old is having trouble with impulse control. The day before a child across the street was swinging his rope swing into a girl over and over. I told this kid to stop hitting her and she was saying: "Ouch, stop." After me telling this kid 4-5 times to stop, he does. Then my boy without bating an eyelash takes his swing and hits the same girl. Today he pushed a stranger(girl)in school for no reason. Yesterday he kicked a girl whom was teasing him and today he bonked said girl on the head. The principal sent home a warning that one more incident and he will be expelled.
Oh joy.
About getting him tested. Well my eldest son went to a top Dr in Ohio and insurance would not let them write Autism or aspergers, ever. ADHD, OCD. That was ok. I was in a HMO and allowed to see Erinberg(sp?) once every 4 months. Hard to get a DX when the visit was 5 minutes. They put him on meds that made him like a zombie in the corner or gain 50 pounds. He is not on meds. Why does he scream so? Impulse controls I am sure. He went through years of p & m therapy. Speech, counselor, dr's and on and on. Rainbows, Cleveland Clinic etc.
He has rage issues and was taken out of school and placed in a on-line charter school and gets almost straight A's. School was bad for him as he was teased to no end. He was taken out of the brick and morter after 5th grade. The school had a janitors closet and would put him in lock down when he screamed. He was in an autism program labled other wise health impaired but they pulled him out and put him in SBH. That is when the screaming, raging really began. And off to the closet.
So about testing? I don't know. Didn't seem to do much for the big guy. BTW, he is 350 6 foot 3! My lil one is 75 pounds and 4 foot 3. I made them big!

Would I be ok? The thought chills me to the bone. Do I want another kid with Aspergers? No. Would I love him regardless YES! They can call it what ever it truly is..as long as it IS and not assumed beacuse of number 1 son.

The hitting of the other people needs to be stopped, but I would say that it is almost certainly a situation in which something is wrong, but he may not even know exactly what, and he doesn't know how to deal with it, and likely not even express it.

I'm not saying this is it, but here is an example: the pitch of the girls' voice may be driving him totally insane. There are certain frequencies which completely rattle you, and you will do just about anything to stop it. As I say, it is probably not the reason, but whatever the reason, you'll probably be surprised.

The older son worries me. He shouldn't be allowed to keep on raging and throwing his weight around. It's a terrible example for the little one. There has to be something the matter and it's very unfortunate that the insurance company pressured the doctor to alter/make an alternate diagnosis that might have been incorrect.