Out of everything thing that was told to us regarding Hunter and his AS only one thing really cranked my tail.

"It is easier to teach Hunter to adapt and function then to teach others to accept him."

BS!!! (sorry for the outburst) I think to many parents are slacking on raising reponsable young children today. Yes I understand that Hunter will need extra help in social areas I get that. However it is horrible that we as parents have to mold our beautiful minded child to so called normal standards.

What about the parents of these normal children? Why can't they teach they're children about respecting others? That maybe someday they could meet people that are different.

Sorry about the rant sometimes I just get of frustrated with people. Husband tells me I need to move to the Canadian wilderness and get any from people. Sounds like a great plan to me!!!

Good plan, except that there aren't many places in Canada where you can get away from people, and survive.

Let's be honest, those with challenges have always been the ones who have been virtually required to make the accommodations. It is only recently that there have been more serious attempts to help out the ones with the most obvious challenges; blindness and mobility problems. Anything not obvious gets no public accommodation at all, from mental health to respiratory problems, deafness, circulatory issues to chronic pain. At least we don't put them all on ships, light them on fire, and push them into the setting sun.

Linda -- my son is a very smart, anxiety-riddled nerd with no athletic capability. In a military-based town with a bunch of testosterone-laden alpha-male boys, he's bullied for just being himself. He's changed schools, joined karate (blue-belt), the gifted program, and the band (alto sax), so hopefully this year he'll find a safe place. My daughter still has regular melt-downs in school, so she actually has a harder time not being bullied by the girls.

All too often, the so-called alpha male boys who are bullying are themselves being bullied, by their dads. It may no be physical, but from what I've seen the military types are very often intent on making sure their son isn't a 'pansy boy' and insist on them behaving in a much more macho way than the kid would behave if just left alone. Being nice to the nerd (or anyone) is not considered a good indicator of masculinity, by the under-educated.

Yes, I have definitely seen this unfortunate dynamic with some of the elementary school children I have worked with in the past. The bully in question turned out to be a young boy (11 or 12 at the time) who, from what I could gather, was not receiving any kind or type of appropriate nurturing from his father. His father was the consummate military type (Air Force or something) who seemed to have turned a deaf ear to his son's obvious emotional needs.

Sad to see this sort of thing playing out in front of your face and be completely unable to do anything to stop it. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck. And that's just the tip of the iceberg with what I saw working with these kids...

The bullying is usually a desperate attempt by children to divert attention from themselves. They would rather be seen as evil than pitiful, which is how they really feel.

It's a pretty effective primal defense mechanism, in a way - even many adults never realize what's really happening (and this excludes the occasional truly sadistic kid who is a different case entirely).

The truly sadistic, deeply-disturbed-for-the-sake-of-being-deeply-disturbed children seem to be quite rare thankfully. I've worked with some (unfortunately) incredibly damaged children in my time, but none that have graced that level of preadolescent psychopathology.

Busylady, I have said this before and maybe it is obvious but I will say it again, one of the most important things we can do for our kids is make sure they dress right. I know it may seem shallow etc but kids that dress like nerds are more likely to be targets than kids that act like nerds. Kids judge other kids on appearance more than on most anything else. I know this is even worse when our kids have sensory issues. I have spent HOURS finding clothes that Max would wear that also looked cool. It was not easy, it was not fun but I think it prevented Max from being a victim of severe bullying. I know he must have had some, most kids have but if we don't keep up on what is happening appearance wise I think we do our kids a disservice. As I said, you may already be doing this but I think it is important to bring up again anyway. I tried to teach Max how to "be cool" like I tried to teach him to look me in the eyes, and not make animal noises in front of his peers. I think both things are important for a kid. I know this sounds weird but I believe it to be true.
Linda

So I guess you won't be one of those Moms who say "It's what inside that counts?"

I say "it all counts!"