I would think that the embarrassment might well be the stressor that keeps this going.

I think the wetting started before the embarrassment. But I agree with the others here. Max really needs structure, even if it's just - today we will stay in all day as the air is bad, we will bake cookies, watch movies, play board games - whatever. Now that he is older of course he chooses his game plan but he always has one even for days we are just hanging out. If I ask him what he is doing he will say something like, I am going to play video games from 10 to 11 then I am going to read, then play my guitar etc. He feels very nervous if he does not know what the day holds.

I think I might try writing a daily schedule and putting it on the fridge. I can't make EVERY day the same, but there are some daily scheduled activities. We'll give it a go. I have set the kitchen timer for certain activities before (chores) and that has worked well for all of them, maybe I'll check that out too.I did look on-line about the bedwetting and the most logical reason definitely looks like stress and emotional upset. How do you draw that out of her? Many times she doesn't know what she's feeling and unless I know enough to guess accurately (or exactly) it's very difficult to get the answer.

I don't know how others can do it, but I find that I am able to detect minute differences in my feeling of "lightness" and "heaviness". If I ask myself questions, or try to visualize situations, I can detect those changes, and if I continually opt for the lightness choices, I can figure out what makes me feel better and is the best route to take. I've mentioned this to my sister, and she laughs, and says that most NTs do that instinctively, and in fractions of a second, not needed a system to produce eventual results. She is boggled by the concept that AS people have to do this 'manually', and that it takes 'nearly forever'.

Can you give me an example of what type of question you might ask yourself to find out if you are stressed or angry, happy, etc.? I've tried telling her that she is laughing that means she is happy but she argues that she is not. A few specific questiona may be just the thing I need to help her understand an emotion. Also, how do I help her correct the emotion? To her it's a fact that she is always scared and stressed. Is there a very logical way to present how to transition out of that mood?

Do I feel lighter, or heavier thinking about turning around and leaving this place?
Do I feel better, if I imagine not eating what has been placed in front of me, or worse?
It is that type of thing, repeated one step at a time, that gets me there.

You cannot really 'correct' an emotion. The first step is to accept that you have it. Then you have to figure out WHY you have it. Then you have to decide if it is justified, or not. Now you can finally try to figure out what to do instead.

Let's say that she feels "lighter" about leaving the restaurant because there are too many people there, but it is not a "healthy" decision that will lead her to desensitization. Eventually will she be able to rationalize through this? Do I tell her that she is having an emotion when this happens? Not even necessarily try to name it, just let her get the idea that this is what an emotion feels like?

I thought if I approached emotions logically she would grasp them, I tried looking up definitions of emotions and using emoticons and there was no connection. She also does not see any emotion in other people except that they could be angry. Anything else, she just shrugs.

Emotions are not really logical things, so cannot really be explained that way. They are what they are.

As for the restaurant example, there are ways to reduce stress without leaving. The thing is, if you make staying there the only option, there may be other ways to redice her stress. Sit facing away from other people. Sit in a darkened area. Don't talk and otherwise interact. Use the system to decide what is better (not best, as that would be leaving). By the way, exposing yourself to something does not necessarily desensitize you to it. Try hitting your thumb with a hammer, or sniffing pepper...it never gets any better, no matter how much you do that.

It was my understanding that the wetting started during the stress of the last days of school. I was wondering whether the stress of embarrassment was causing it to continue after the original stressor had ended.

No matter how many times I hear an annoying sounds, it's always going to be annoying. I am very sensitive to vibrations and noise (and this coming from a person who has low frequency hearing loss!), so lawn mowers, cars, motorcycles, vacuum cleaners, airplanes, bass music, week whackers, leaf blowers (cringe), construction, etc. are especially VERY annoying and can lead to sensory overload (an overload of the senses in the brain). The only solution, then, is to get away. Unless I'm at work, then I just have to put up with it ... but I can guarantee you that work will not be done. However, I do have ear plugs (which do work to reduce the noise, not eliminate the noise entirely nor cease the vibration) and fidget toys (I have a stress ball with me at all times).

Because I do have auditory processing disorder (APD), it means I have trouble listening to one sound at a time. This only makes the sensory issue worse in that I hear the annoying noise AND every single thing around me. It's no wonder I'm tired all the time - I'm constantly having to "scan" my environment and focus, focus, focus. The whole act of listening is a chore for me, so I avoid noisy places and, if at all possible, have people text me so that I don't have to run a marathon mile in my brain trying to "hear" the whole conversation. APD essentially means you act deaf, but you're not.

APD is common in autistics and I suspect it's the cause for most hearing sensory issues. Truly, it's feels like your brain is being thrown into the pit of an earthquake - everything gets scrambled and you can't think for your life. All you want to do is either run away from the noise or sit down and cry (if you cannot get away from the noise). It's an actual pain. No amount of exposure is going to desensitize me lol

But, if I do have to go out to a restaurant, there are things I can do to minimize my pain (ugh, that stupid music AND people chattering!). Bring ear plugs/noise reducing ear phones. If I can't because it's a work situation, then I bring something appropriate to fidget. Then, after work, I go home and collapse. No TV, no radio, no computer - just feed the guineas, eat some dinner, and go to bed.

If I am alone, I ask to be seated some place where it quiet and away from the speakers - if they have some place dark, all the better. If not, I continue to wear my baseball hat indoors.

As for emotions, it might be more important to have her draw them. Describe to her a smile (the corners of the mouth should be up, towards the eyes, and the mouth should look like a right-side up banana) or sadness (corners of the mouth are down and should look like an upside down banana; the person may also have tears falling, or crying). I understand basic facial expressions and still read everyone as being "angry" at me - I confuse "angry" for "tiredness" or "bored".

- Serenity