the more I have been learning about AS the more I a convinced that I have AS. I have been doing a lot of thinking and reminiscing about my childhood and recalling that I did have and still do have nuances. I had never considered that I had issues with clothes until today when I realized that I would rather wear the same clothes day in and day out till they fell off and I still have clothes from a year ago that I haven't worn. this summer is the first time in many YEARS that I bought new clothes for myself, only because I outgrew them. last week I realized that I still do useless mindless activities with my hands. I'd pick the feathers out of a down pillow until there was no more feathers or pick at my arm until it bled. when I took my first aspie test, with limited information that I knew, I still tested likely to be austic/aspergers scored 132/200 on an aspie quiz. today when I took the test for giggles I tested out at 174/200 very likely to be autistic. I am almost scared to try learning anything new for fear of the unknown. LOL. I am answering honestly and not embellishing anything.

the one good thing that has come from this is that my wife and I are finally learning how to deal with my AS and how I need to be directed. she knows now that I HAVE to have concrete black and white direction, questions and guidance. we used to have heated arguements because I COULD NOT think of how my actions or words affected her. I never took her feelings into consideration and NOT because I was being mean or a jerk. I simply could never think like that but slowly I am trying and learning.

Good for you! Trying and learning is what it's all about!

That, and loving patience.

Loving patience for yourself as well, I might add.

I used to spend hours picking hairs out of my blanket and carpet back when I was younger and particularly stressed out. I did this in conjunction with my stimming practices. I don't do this anymore, but what NT out there does THAT? I was like a human vacuum cleaner, ha ha. Definite Aspie behavior, I would think.

I untangled over 300 feet of thin nylon fishing line that had spooled off my dad's fishing reel (I will NOT admit to knowing HOW it spooled off) and tangled into a large mass.

I untangled over 1200 feest of speaker wire I had used to set up a quadraphonic sound system I set up in the student theatre....
Oh wait! That was work - not a stim.

"we used to have heated arguements because I COULD NOT think of how my actions or words affected her. I never took her feelings into consideration and NOT because I was being mean or a jerk. I simply could never think like that but slowly I am trying and learning."

If you can honestly explain to her, express regret that you weren't able to do more, offer to try your best to move forward, and she can accept that - you might be surprised how much progress you can make.

Telling her that you now appreciate why she could be so justifiably frustrated is a big step. Most men won't admit that sort of thing, but I guess that more literal-minded Aspies could do it if they conclude it is accurate.

Actually, a way to get a leg up on NT rivals in the case of a single man, come to to think of it. Honesty as a strategic play as well, I suppose...

Most women I've run across in real life would rather be lied to than hear the truth. In most cases, telling them the truth just made the situation worse. Ignorance actually IS bliss it seems...

I suspect you are talking about personal issues when you mean 'telling them the truth' since most women would not quiver even one little bit from hearing the truth about things that are of no personal consequence.

I had expressed and still express my deep regrets for everything that I have done to her over the years. after all of the crap that I put her through, I am trully amazed that she stayed with me and had 2 kids. between the infidelity and poor expression of my wishes and thoughts I was down right pretty damn awful to her at times. Not always, I am very loving, caring supportive husband and awesome dad but because of my poor understanding of myself and socially acceptable actions I really dug a deep hole that I have to come out of. so much mistrust, resentment and anger that she has to overcome. at least know I have an explanation for what I did wrong, not an excuse for I am still responsible for what I did. I regret EVERYTHING that I ever did to her or tainted our marriage, wish that it never happened but it did. I now know why I did those things but that does not excuse me, but now I know how to address the issues and problems that I faced before it becomes a problem. I am learning to open up and express my needs or wants and how to ommunicate and it is difficult for me.
she gave me 1 year to get my act into shape and start getting help before she leaves me for good. I only have less than 2 months left and she still is on the edge wether or not she wants to stay. she really doesn't want to talk about it much at all. says that I pressure her and doesn't like it. as you can imagine, this uncertainty is really playing havoc on me, because I NEED definitive answers and direction. when I get a definitive answer (as to what is my "issue") in a couple weeks I am hoping that she will stay and be willing to work with me.
she is NT and I am AS, talk about complete opposites LOL.