"He is sincere and good looking (though not in a football player way), but his extreme shyness, if that's what you want to call it, is causing girls formerly curious about him, to give up."

That's my brother - again, the smart ones will see a diamond in the rough....

It may actually be useful for him, if he likes a girl, to express that he is shy. The trait is generally considered endearing, and it likely would be expressed in a sweet manner, so all the better.

I have a number of guileless traits that my wife likes a lot.

I now know what she means, but I don't change my approach nor does she want me to.

I'm not much better, but there three things that I've found that help me:
-nobody around to overhear my 'conversation' attempt on the phone
-no distracting noises and activities while I'm trying to talk
-use only the left ear.

I know this latter one may seem stupid to some, or natural to others, but which ear is used for the conversation can radically affect how you deal with the call. There seems to be a connection with the side of the brain that processes, and changing from one side to the other can make a huge difference. You just have to see which is best.

I just told a client today "Don't bother to try to call me - I rarely answer my phone. E-mail me and I'll call you back."

As to being a teenage Aspie trying to figure out the rules, it's a challenge. I once went to a party off at college and ran into a girl who sat next to me in one of my classes and we were all drinking, and I ended up putting my arm around her and keeping her nearby all night- and the next day I felt I might have been too forward (such innocent days) so I apologized the next day and she said "No! I Liked that!"

Go figure.

I clearly was missing out on some kind of rules that existed but which I couldn't grasp. (So to speak.)

Aspies need time machines, so we can go back to situations knowing what we have learned now.

Max hates the phone too and will never initiate a call and gets off as soon as possible. But he loves IM and chatting on FB. He has a couple of girl "friends" not to be confused with girlfriends that he chats with quite often. It seems like a much more comfortable communication method for him. I told him the other night "Girls can be really confusing. If you ever need any help trying to figure them out just ask me, I used to be one. So I may not be able to help you with your statistics homework but I am all over the boy girl thing." He got "that smile" on his face.

Linda

I must admit, I am appalling with my mobile 'phone. In fact I hated my first one so much it ultimately became my mother's first one. She insisted I get one so she could contact me at boarding school, so I complied, but left it in my room to use as an alarm clock.

Just out of interest, in light of the subject matter of this thread, did anyone see these recent discussions/stories in the lighter section?

http://www.aspergerinfo.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/topics/96662/How_Not_To_Pick_Up_A_Girl#Post96662

I met my wife while she worked at a nursing home in Mystic and I was working on an ambulance picking up a dialysis patient 3 days a week for treatment at that home. we started flirting and talking to each other until one of her co-workers told me to ask her out. we use to call each other quite often until one day we had free time and set up a date. that was 13 years ago. i never imagined that she'd want to go out with me. I never thought of myself as attractive but she saw the real qualities in me that won her over.

a real good girl will see his true inner self and fall for him irregardless of looks

I would suggest that's much more true at work than in a bar.

"I would suggest that's much more true at work than in a bar."

True, but it's nice to get chased for your looks right off the bat.

"The only way it will work is for him to meet girls under circumstances where romantic interest is not required to get the conversation started."

Thank you John. That is enlightening.

"It may actually be useful for him, if he likes a girl, to express that he is shy. The trait is generally considered endearing, and it likely would be expressed in a sweet manner, so all the better."

Howie, that is a great idea. That is initially what attracted me to my husband. He was shy and NOT cocky like most other guys.